(Self Care Works Like Magic!)
The steps to creating wealth on OnlyFans are crazy simple. But few of my clients actually do them. Why? Because of money anxieties like depression, fear, and insecurity. But everything you’ve been told about your mental health is wrong. You can heal, fast.
Each tip is short, but avoid binging. Instead, after reading one, ask yourself: “How can I apply this?” and put it into practice.
But Emma struggled to do them.
For some steps, her stomach was icy fear. For others, her jaw was a vice of anxiety. She could've sought help, but feared appearing 'whiny' or 'needy' about her mental health.
She hated seeming 'weak.'"
Emma wanted money, and she knew if she followed the instructions from her guru, that she’d earn well.
But her money anxieties made most steps impossible.
She felt stressed whenever she broached the subject of making money, let alone tackling one of the actual steps required.
She felt trapped with no way out of poverty.
Emma wondered “Am I cursed to feel anxiety any time I try to make money?”
***
If anything about Emma’s situation speaks to you, or you’ve experienced money anxiety of your own, you’re going to love the 59 self care tips below.
(This has a focus on self care for women, but everyone’s minds can benefit from the tips here.)
I wrote this post for Emma and those like her, because I’ve been there.
I was pissed at the world, and blamed anything and everything I could for my situation. I forced myself to do countless things I didn’t enjoy because I thought I ‘should.’
I repressed any feeling I thought might make me look bad or upset my social circles and relationships. I tried to control everything, stay as comfortable as possible, and avoid pain.
Then life smacked me down.
I was evicted, jailed, homeless for years, robbed, betrayed, abandoned, depressed, suicidal, and more.
This sent my money anxieties into overdrive, but I still didn’t learn or change my approach.
Looking back now, I feel like the biggest idiot ever.
Well, to be honest…
I did a bit at the time, just not nearly enough.
Like, sure, I was a bit more humble after all that, and I’d learned a few harsh realities about life…
…but I still assumed I was doing ‘everything right’, and refused to take anyone’s advice, even if it would’ve helped me.
Eventually, I ‘let go’, changed my views on many things, and began an upward spiral out of my dark pit of poor mental health.
I ended up being Evan Carmichael‘s personal advisor as we grew his brand to 3,000,000 followers. Then I evolved into helping spicy accountants solve their money anxiety and make money too.
And the weird thing is: making money is far easier than most realize.
Like I said in the introduction:
The steps really are easy AF.
But money anxiety makes people too timid, afraid, and insecure to really commit to performing them.
Most folks are traumatized, often in ways that they’ve repressed or can’t see.
The lucky ones admit their mental is messed up, then start working on themselves, but even so… many don’t know how to do it effectively, or how to seek help. They’re taught that to keep their mental health issues a secret.
The unlucky ones are blind to the issue, subtly sidestep any positive influences or good advice, and run from the truth as if it’s a rabid dog.
The truth is…
Society has messed up your mental health, especially regarding money.
Society takes lovely infants —pure bundles of joy— and turns them into mentally broken shells by the time they’re teenagers.
Modern society is an environment that creates money anxiety disorder in people.
It’s a breeding ground for anxiety, fear, and confusion around money.
You may have money anxieties from parents. You may have money anxieties from growing up poor. You may have money anxiety from Hollywood & the media. You may have money anxiety for no reason. You may even have money anxiety if you’re “well off.”
That’s how messed up most people are on this topic.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Your mental health is much easier to fix than people would have you believe.
The entire mental health industry (and big pharma in general) want you to believe that curing mental issues takes decades of medicines and talking about your problems with a therapist.
(Often with a therapist who, while I’m sure means well, has severe problems of their own.)
‘Talking’ can be ‘good’, but most spicy accountants need solutions, and therapists aren’t trained in solutions, they’re trained to talk about, and focus on, problems.
(Note: I’m not against therapists, I’m sure some talented ones exist, I just haven’t personally found any with fast, effective teachings on money anxiety.)
The mental health industry’s survival depends on you taking as long as possible to heal, but I’d rather have to find a new career than have people suffer any longer than necessary.
I’m sure the established companies and experts ‘mean well.’
I’m sure they’ve put a lot of time, energy, and effort into coming up with solutions for financial anxiety issues.
I respect that.
But sometimes people’s best efforts end up being kind of a waste.
And that’s the case for most current mental health advisors.
If they were any good, society would have *less* mental health problems, not more.
I know the so-called ‘expertise’ on mental health sounds so ‘credible’ and ‘backed by science’, but all it does is make trusting folks invest in products that won’t help them much.
Just because someone has a statistic that says Xanax, Adderall, or Ritalin helps… doesn’t mean much. Like Mark Twain (allegedly) said:
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.”
If all the ‘science’ around mental health works for you… great. No need for you to bother with this article, right?
But if all the ‘science’ hasn’t been too effective, and if your gut is telling you faster, easier, more reliable solutions exist, you’ll want to keep reading, because I can proudly say you’ll find them here.
And of course that’s what matters.
You’re you.
And if you have anxiety about spending money…
What should matter to you is what works for you, regardless of what everyone’s trying to convince you is the ‘most popular’ or ‘doctor recommended.’
And so that’s what I focus on.
I focus on what I know will work for you.
And I give it all to you for free, so you can actually try it for yourself and discover how well it works for you.
It took me insane amounts of life experience, time, and effort to compile this list of 59 mental health cures for you, and I could easily sell it as an entire book, cashing in on passive income from it for years.
But I care a bout sex-workers and OnlyFans creators like you and want to empower you to heal any money anxieties.
The tips I give below have helped many people elevate their mental health and move forward in their lives.
And just to be clear: I’m not a ‘traditional’, ‘licensed’ therapist —but I’m glad I’m not— because every single therapist I’ve come across has been hugely ineffective.
(Though I do love that therapists exist. I’m not against them. I imagine there are great money anxiety therapists around, I just haven’t met them.)
Instead, I’m someone who’s transformed my own mental health, and that of many others. I learned hands-on, and the foundations below are what worked for me.
And don’t even get me started on the work I invested helping my partner heal herself.
She spent 25 years on lithium, pouring thousands of hours into therapy that healed nearly nothing.
And her real growth only happened when she applied the lessons below.
She took control of her own mental health, despite what big pharma told her, and you can too.
It’s your mind, not theirs.
You know it best, not them.
You control your mind, and always have, since birth.
It’s time for you to re-establish that control.
And if you dig a little, you’ll see…
That people have been getting their shit together for centuries, and you can too.
The strange thing is that since ‘money’ is integrated so heavily into our lives, money anxiety often stems from things that don’t seem at all related to money.
For example, since most people feel that ‘time is money’ on some level… poor time-management can massacre your mental health and result in money anxiety.
Or since most people feel that ‘relationships cost money’ on some level… poor relationship-skills or boundary-setting can obliterate your mental health, resulting in money anxiety.
This means that other blog posts which only cover ‘obvious’ money-anxiety-related issues won’t help you very much.
It’s also why this page covers many aspects of mental health.
Because they’re all integrated with money, and can easily be the root cause of any money anxiety you’re experiencing.
If you read to the end, applying what’s here, you’ll get more control of your mental health.
And once your mental health is handled…
…you’ll perform the simple steps of OnlyFans wealth easily.
Why?
Because once you work on your mind, the rest of life becomes clearer.
Things become easier, smoother, and more effortless because you’re not fighting your mind and mood every time you want to accomplish something or improve your life.
And ‘working’ on your mind means opening it to new ideas, not your usual way of thinking about things.
Injecting new ideas is the only way to cure your life.
Most people cling to familiar ideas that feel comfortable. Most people are skeptical of new beliefs. Most people believe new ideas will disrupt the life they built for themselves.
I used ‘harmless’ pills for the hero image, but really…
Most people treat new ideas like needles.
They’ll devote huge energy to avoid having to “get” one.
But here’s the thing about new ideas –and needles– they’re often life-savers.
And if your mental health isn’t great, you absolutely need to step up and get your shot.
And I'm giving you free 'shots' on this page.
The cures are yours, now. If you’re willing to relax, open your mind, and get the injection.
If you’re afraid, skeptical, or resistant to them…
…I can’t force you to take them, and you’re welcome to your continually declining mental health, until your life is hellish enough to come back to these truths.
You'll either take your medicine now, or later.
So…
Are you ready for the cures?
Below you’ll get 59 cures for your mental health.
Each one may ‘prick’ a bit, just like needles do, but they will also heal your mental and emotional issues.
And each of them apply to 99% of people, but…
Why would someone skip the most helpful tips for them, you may be wondering.
Well, their thinking is usually:
“Sounds like a lot of work, hassle, or effort, pass.”
And I totally get the sentiment.
There’s just one problem.
It’s 100% wrong.
And people choose it often.
There’s nothing harder than avoiding self care.
If you think applying these tips is too much effort, or too hard…
…you’re in for a terrible shock when avoiding them turns out to be a hundred times worse.
There aren’t even words to explain how miserable you’ll be if you avoid (or half-ass) self care.
Putting less than your best effort into self care is a recipe for pain.
It’s a ticket to hell-on-earth.
You could end up evicted, jailed, homeless for years, robbed, betrayed, abandoned, depressed, suicidal, and more.
People such as:
…all managed to choose happiness in some of the worst conditions on the planet.
And that choice led them out of the darkness into impressively fulfilling lives and legacies.
Others chose to be miserable even though they weren’t nearly as poorly off.
And that choice just created more pain, hard work, and struggle in their lives.
People like this often give up and end it all.
The easiest, most effective, most fulfilling choice is always to…
The choice that will help you thrive isn’t to…
Look at how much needs to be done, throw your hands up and say “I can’t do it.”
Be better.
And then here’s people who half-ass their mental healing for a different reason.
Their thinking is usually:
“I’ve already got this tip number [X] handled.”
As with the last line of thinking, it’s just flat wrong.
You absolutely don’t “got” that tip handled.
And even if you swear to god you’ve ‘got it’…
Still don’t skip solutions, cures, and skills that may help you.
Skipping helpful things is how your mind got messed up in the first place.
Stop using “I’ve got it” as a reason to skip key advice.
Instead, assume you “don’t got it” and apply the advice anyway.
That’s how you really improve. You apply the advice, not skip the advice.
And I can tell that you don’t “get” it, even if you think you do.
It’s not because I’m a mind-reader.
The reason I know you don’t “got” these foundations as well as your ego wants you to believe, is simple.
It’s because:
At least, not in a…
—I’m done and can ignore this tip forever—
…sort of way.
The reason these tips aren’t something you “get”, is that each one is:
And if you’re suffering money anxieties, I guarantee you some of the ones you think you’ve “got”, need more time, attention, and practice.
The only question is, how satisfied are you with each one?
If you’re not satisfied with how your anger manifests, work on that foundation.
If you’re not satisfied with your open-mindedness, work on that foundation.
Revisit them rather than skipping them, if you care about feeling better.
(But if you’re the rare gem who happens to truly be satisfied with all of them… then why are you even on this page? Go out and teach others to reach your level of mental health mastery, you god.)
Learning each mental health tip here is great, and I’m happy to teach them…
…but they still take focus, understanding, and practice until you’re performing the wealth-creation steps well, with mental blocks no longer holding you back.
Each tip is simple, but has nuances, and takes practice to apply.
I’m only explaining them briefly, and it’ll be up to you to research any that you’re interested in further. (Though if you email my partner Cyn and tell her which one you want explained, I’ll consider making a post on them or something.)
We're a bunch of mentally sick people trying to cure each other.
The truth is what you've been taught about mental health is wrong.
This post is going to blow your mind.
Most self-help authors will pull punches, treat you as ‘fragile’, and dance around truths that you need to hear.
I won’t do any of those things.
I believe you’ve already got way too many people telling you what you want to hear, and not nearly enough telling you what you need to hear to actually heal.
If you don’t like my blunt tone, I get it.
Save your mental & your mood by finding a gentler post.
But if what I’ve said so far sounds reasonable and you’re eager to improve your mental health, let’s get into….
(To dissolve money anxiety.)
These principles are great for increasing your personal power, agency, and ability to create the change you want in your financial life.
Like I said earlier, each of these tips is simple, but has enough nuances that I could write a whole article that explains each one, so if you want a hand with any of them, just email my partner Cyn at cynshineonline@gmail.com.
One
Whether it’s creeping dread at having to promote your OnlyFans, or a sinking feeling when faced with ‘creeps’ in DM…
Everyone has fears.
And whoever embraces and moves past their fears fastest, thrives the most.
The main key difference between a successful person growing their wealth smoothly and a person who’s struggling & stuck…
…is the successful person has learned to smile at their fears, face them, and move past them.
“Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love.” – Bill Hicks
But giving into any moment of fear cuts into your earning potential.
Most people could actually earn quite well, if they faced their (many) fears.
So, ask yourself…
What are you afraid of?
Your dream life lies on the other side of whatever you fear.
You either step up and move beyond those fears, or you stay stuck, more miserable by the day.
“We numb by making everything that’s uncertain, certain.” – Brene Brown
But uncertainty is a core part of life.
If you’re afraid of uncertainty, you’re afraid of truly living, and your mental health is f*cked.
And only you can fix it.
Because no pill, coach, or guide can move past a fear of uncertainty for you.
It’s on you (and no one else) to get over your fears.
“If you’re afraid to dip your toe in the water , it doesn’t matter how good your swim coach is.” – Me
If you’re afraid to apply the tips below, it doesn’t matter how great the advice is.
So, how do you cure your fears?
You cure fear through a blend of understanding and committed practice.
You beat fear by actually doing the thing you’re afraid of.
If a child is afraid of swimming, you can talk about it with them, show them other swimmers having fun, bundle them up with life jackets, and so on…
…but the only thing that’ll cure the fear inside them is them willingly spending time in the water.
If an injured person is afraid to try walking again, you can massage them, use machines on them, have them talk to therapists for years…
…but the only thing that’ll cure the fear inside them is willingly trying to walk, even if they fall.
If you’re afraid to practice the steps of making money, or afraid to understand the tips below fully, or afraid to practice them with commitment…
…then those fears need to be dealt with before you can face anything else in life.
You personally stepping up to move past your fears is the number one priority, because fear stops all growth.
Master this tip first, or this page of golden wisdom will be useless to you.
If you’re past your fear of trying new things & applying unfamiliar mindsets, you’re on your way.
Love your self.
Two
You’re on earth to become a better person.
Which means you’re here to be a more loving, and a more loveable soul.
“Toxic people who haven’t worked on themselves much are extremely challenging to love.” – Me
So expecting others to love you when you’ve:
…is dumb.
Our world doesn’t cater to those who refuse to change themselves.
(And it’d be super-weird if they did.)
For example, if you put everything off, break promises, and expect clients to fall into your lap without doing the steps of selling correctly…
…you can expect people to avoid you.
It makes sense for someone who’s lazy, entitled, and self-involved to feel ‘unloved as they are’ by others.
Because ‘as they are’ is pretty bad.
Someone like that isn’t a valuable contributor who loves themselves. They’re not a shining beacon of humanity. They’re not even a serviceable person to interact with.
They’re toxic.
And their toxic traits don’t mean no one can love them, but…
Their toxic traits do make them extremely hard for others to love.
And instead of changing, they usually expect others to simply be Buddha-level loving, and appreciate them ‘as they are’, without changing themselves.
When you read it, it sounds silly, right?
A person like I’ve described would secretly hate themselves.
So how to be loved by others then? What’s the solution?
Love yourself first.
Because that’s why you’re here.
Your purpose is to change and grow.
Not to be ‘loved by others,’ but to become a person you’re proud of.
Become a person you love, first.
And when you love yourself and are proud of yourself, there is a cool side-effect.
The side-effect is that other people will also love you ‘as you are.’
Accept that you have things to work on (as we all do), and love yourself enough to work on them.
When you love yourself enough to change, the world will start loving you more too.
Love your self.
Three
I’m not a huge fan of politicians.
But do you get how much personal responsibility a politician takes on?
They have to take responsibility for other people’s decisions.
If a politician wants the nation to vote for them, he can’t go about his day hoping and praying they make the right vote on their own…
…he has to take responsibility for every voter’s vote.
He has to step up, take matters into his own hands, and find ways to influence and persuade them.
And you must do the same thing if you want change.
Sure, it’d be great if you could just absolve yourself of responsibility and blame someone else for why your life isn’t changing.
But that’s a recipe for pain and failure.
As a kid, if you wanted your Mom to buy you a toy, you didn’t expect the government to make it happen, or your neighbor, or your sibling.
You knew you had to do it.
You knew you were responsible for influencing your Mom, and you did everything it took to do so.
“Be the change you want to see in the world. – Gandhi.”
If you want any change at all, take responsibility for that change.
Practice loving change.
Loving change is premiere self care.
Most people fear change. They want their comfortable little lives where they control everything and nothing ever disturbs them.
That’s dumb AF.
It’s like surfing, or playing a game.
What you get dealt is never the same, which means you have to change and adapt in order to navigate whatever comes.
Avoiding, delaying, or fearing change is a guaranteed path to destroyed mental health.
So don’t do it. Be wiser.
Practice true self care, embrace change, and learn to surf it’s waves.
Love your self.
Four
This tip connects to the one above.
Tap into your natural powers of adaptation.
Whoever adapts best to life’s situations wins.
You’re built to adapt, and adapting to things well literally means ‘taking care of yourself.’
Humans are the most adaptable creatures on the planet.
It’s time you act like it.
Especially if you want to relieve financial anxiety.
Love your self.
Five
Nearly everyone lives in denial.
They deny many things, big and small.
And the 0.1% who don’t are busy succeeding at life with great mental health.
If you’re reading this post, you are living in denial of key things, and those delusions are making your life hard AF.
Maybe you deny:
If you want to feel good and have solid mental health, you must consciously accept reality as it is.
(Law of attraction teachers will often teach you to ‘ignore’ or ‘deny’ reality, but the ones who teach that are confused.)
You must accept whatever reality life has served up to you, at least briefly, as a starting point.
Admitting reality is the first step to changing reality.
Accepting reality is the first step to improving it.
Refuse this first step, and solutions will never unfold for you.
So…
Practice assessing situations clearly.
Don’t be like most deluded folks wandering through life in some imaginary land where “they’re perfect” and have “nothing to change.”
Denial soothes our ego, but acceptance moves you towards your dreams.
Love your self.
Six
Following from the previous tip, live in the present.
What does “live in the present,” mean?
Well, let’s say you’re having an argument.
If you’re having an argument, embrace it. The present is currently “an argument”, so give it your full attention.
Consciously decide whether to use logic or offer hugs moment to moment.
Be present and aware, not thinking about how “she’s always done this” in the past, or how “this fight is going to ruin my schedule this evening.”
You either choose to argue in the present, and give it your full attention in the moment…
…or you choose to disengage from the fight, and be present with other activities of your day.
Same goes for sitting down to work.
Be present with your chosen work task. Focus and perform it well, or let it wait until you can give it proper attention.
Stop splitting your attention into the future or past. Be present.
If you have trouble with this, accept the reality of your poor focus and do something about improving it, ASAP.
Whatever you choose to do each moment… be present, focused, and paying full attention to the now.
Why?
Because life is a series of ‘present moments.’
And how you handle each ‘present moment’ is what decides how good or shitty your life is.
Love your self.
Seven
Everyone has a sense of what’s “right” in each moment.
Sometimes this sense gets messed up, but it’s always there, doing it’s best to keep us on a good track for ourselves.
And no one boosts their mental health (or feels better) by going against their conscience.
This applies to everything.
Your conscience is always a little voice tugging at your heart, with every choice you make.
Practice doing the right thing, and your mental health will heal fast.
Love your self.
Eight
You may not believe it or see it, but…
Every hypocritical choice you make bleeds your mental health away.
Every hypocritical choice you make plants seeds for money anxiety to bloom.
(One example of people struggling to avoid hypocrisy comes from some of our trans clients who initially claimed pride in their trans status, but spent tons of energy hiding their transition from their fans.)
Practicing what you preach and doing what you say takes courage, but the pay offs are huge.
It doesn’t just raise your mental well-being, it makes others trust, respect, and value you, because we live in a world of hypocrites.
The Golden Rule, (doing unto others as they you would prefer them to do unto you) is powerful.
Lead by example, even if others don’t immediately adopt the same behavior.
Love your self.
Nine
As a kid you would mentally celebrate everything you did.
This habit of being your own cheerleader (even on small things) helped you learn fast, grow well, and succeed.
Abandoning this habit, or worse —replacing it with negative self-talk— as an adult won’t just kill your ability to thrive…
…it’ll destroy your mental health.
Negative self-talk will multiply all money anxiety, because money is integrated with every aspect of our lives.
Practicing your childhood habit of cheering yourself on will help heal your mind.
Just make sure you don’t praise yourself for backsliding or half-ass-ing things.
Cheer yourself on, but don’t fake it.
Do this only when you truly have something to cheer for.
Don’t let praise or criticism from others matter.
At all.
As with most tips, this takes practice, and feels ‘hard’ to do at first.
The trick is to know that your inner voice is far more important to heed.
Know that the talk of others’ is nearly always their own projection.
So, pat yourself on the back for honest progress of any kind, and correct any backsliding or regression, but…
…ignore both praise and criticism from others.
Those things are nearly always a trap for your ego.
Avoid the traps.
Love your self.
Ten
Life’s a series of decisions.
You’ve been deciding, choosing, and exercising your free will since you were an infant.
When you were young you’d:
But we lose touch with this decision-making skill.
The older we get, the less we exercise our free will.
We start believing we ‘have no choice’, and make more decisions on autopilot rather than intentionally.
This disempowers us, and injures our mental health.
We end up making a handful of decisions in our lives (if any), and those are usually done by default.
If you want to reclaim your mental health, you must make more conscious decisions and own the consequences of those decisions.
Avoiding decision-making will make you feel like a powerless leaf, blown through life with no agency, forced to accept any miserable situation.
A decider has agency.
A decision-avoider gets blown around like a powerless victim.
And sadly, most people are the latter.
They fear the consequences of decisions, so they simply… don’t make many.
Be better than most adults.
Make more conscious decisions.
Love your self.
Eleven
You are powerful.
Even if you don’t feel like you are, it’s still true.
In every situation, you are a powerful being, with empowering options you can choose, as well as disempowering ones.
But the fact remains, you have options in every situation.
And of all the options in a situation… one option always feels at least slightly better than the other.
Life never serves up two, thee, or ten equally identical options.
It never happens that all options feel equally good.
One option always takes more/less time, money, energy. One option always has the highest probability of benefit. One option always feels the most/least familiar.
So…
A person who chooses the least feel-good option, has just made their life worse, and injured their mental health.
If they do this over and over, they quickly become miserable.
A person who chooses the most good-feeling option, has just made their life better, and improved their mental health.
If they do this over and over, they quickly thrive.
***
If someone has a gun to your head, and tells you to eat a pile of glass, you have two options:
Eat the glass, or see what happens when you don’t.
For Patesh Talukdar, eating the glass may feel like the best option.
For me, telling my captor to go ahead and pull the trigger might feel better.
When I choose that option:
…but I’d die proud of myself and my choice in the situation.
I’d know that my last act on earth was one that felt the best for me, and I chose it intentionally, with a full heart.
This example is extreme, but fortunately, most of us are never in such dire situations, and the principle still stands.
Out of all the options you have, even if they appear to ‘suck’…
Choosing the best-feeling option consistently makes you feel proud and empowered in your choices.
This especially applies to ‘money options.’
Choose the best-feeling option you can, even if they suck, and know that you’ll be better off for it, both in life, and mindset.
Love your self.
Twelve
What put you on this planet?
Was it life, nature, the universe, god, chance, or something else?
Regardless, whatever put you on earth, armed you with some incredible powers and potential.
They are powers and potential that so many people have tapped into over the centuries.
They’re inviolable rights and untouchable powers for you to leverage.
They help anyone who decides to master them, and they give you epic amounts of control over your life.
The only thing is, your super-powers are internal.
They’re intangible.
They’re not so ‘obvious’ and in our faces.
When things go wrong we’re all so quick to ignore them in favor of more obvious, tangible, external approaches.
(But we have very little control over external things.)
If we want to overcome money anxiety, we should be focusing on our internal powers.
And what are these powers?
Think about the people you look up to and admire.
The most confident, successful ones are those who’ve learned to use their internal powers of thoughts, moods, and habits when things get challenging.
It’s up to you whether or not you join them, or continue trying to control external things.
Whatever you choose, make it a loving choice.
Love your self.
It's your choice.
Deny my words and keep suffering...
Or try these tips and see for yourself.
This section has practical methods and approaches you can use to elevate your self-care.
As before, they’re simple but powerful, and I could write a whole article on each. So if you want a hand with any of them, just email my partner Cyn at cynshineonline@gmail.com.
Thirteen
Which helps you learn faster, gain more confidence, and get better results:
Stop expecting watching, talking, or Googling to magically make you confident, happy, skilled, or effective.
Passively consuming gets next to no results.
Absorbing and practicing what you learn does.
Most desirable things in life don’t come by sitting on the sidelines.
They come with practice, by ‘getting hands-on,’ just like you did as a kid.
Practice is guaranteed to automatically build your confidence.
Practice has turned commonly hated things, like working out, staying sober, or early-rising into something a person truly loves…
…but only once they move past their fear and hesitance, choosing to commit to practice.
P.S. Your passion for practice should match how important your goal is to you.
If you really want to make money, you should be practicing selling every chance you get.
If you’re not fussed to make Hollywood-level content, you shouldn’t be practicing content-creation much.
If you’re sort of focused on losing weight, you should be sort of practicing exercise. So take a hard look at your practice levels and your biggest goals.
Love your self.
Fourteen
Everyone (barring rare conditions) has access to both logic and emotion.
Including you.
But for some reason, people often over-rely on one or the other, causing chaos in their lives.
This isn’t necessary, but it is common.
And it’s why we tend to get corrupt businessmen using cold-logic to harm others. And often why we get capable women staying in clearly illogical relationships that are harming them further.
For good mental health, you need to use both logic and emotion, at the correct times, in the correct amounts.
This takes practice.
If your emotions have been out of control regarding a particular subject… it’s time to focus more on logic about it. A logical approach is likely to resolve it well.
If you’ve been over-logical or too in-your-head on a particular subject… it’s time to feel it out more deeply. A -wisdom or heart-centered approach is likely to resolve it well.
This is a giant subject by itself, so if you haven’t practiced emotional intelligence, you’ll have to research & practice it, and if you’ve not practiced logic, you’ll need to research & practice it.
Save your mental health.
Use the tools of logic and emotion effectively.
Love your self.
Fifteen
If you notice a single fruit-fly in your house one day, no big deal, right?
What if you notice two flies on the second day? Meh, still not a pattern, most would say.
What if you notice three on the third? It’s a pattern.
And not only is it a pattern, it’s a sign from life.
Life is trying to tell you something.
Either way, if you stay unaware of the pattern, or ignore the signs, your life will get worse.
The flies will breed if ignored, and eventually they’ll be everywhere.
They’ll be in your food, your office, your bed.
You may even need to invest in expensive exterminators.
And now, what was once easy to deal with is a costly nightmare that sends you to a hotel while your place is fumigated.
Your mentality, and bank accounts, take a hit.
But it’s on you.
The pattern was obvious.
The signs were there.
You could’ve Googled “fruit fly cure” and instantly found a simple homemade trap that deals with the issue.
All you had to do, was notice the pattern, and listen to the signs.
Same goes for your relationships or business.
If your spouse has a headache three weeks in a row, don’t write it off as “meh, just a headache” — it’s a pattern.
It’s a sign from life to pay attention and deal with this early, before it becomes a huge burden.
If your business has clients one month, then less clients next month, then even less next month… it’s a pattern worth noticing.
It’s a sign from life that something is wrong, and to prioritize fixing it now, before your business ends up like Blockbuster Video.
Gone.
Notice patterns, listen to life, and act accordingly, and your mental health will be solid.
Ignore these things and watch your mentality, emotions, and life crumble into chaos.
Notice patterns, listen to signs, love your self.
Sixteen
This is such a simple tip to relieve money anxiety.
Because it puts you in tune with truth, rather than egoism, denial, or other toxic mental approaches.
And if you don’t get an immediately satisfying answer…
…don’t get triggered!
Just seek to know why even with even more focus.
When you were a kid, you asked why with passion, never letting go until you had a true, proper, satisfying answer.
As an adult who wants mental well-being, you must do the same thing regarding any situation that doesn’t sit well with you.
Understanding cures fear, but so few people are willing to do the work.
Love your self.
Seventeen
Your comfort zone is stagnation.
Your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die.
And since it’s your comfort zone, only you can make sure you’re going beyond it regularly.
This article can’t. Your therapist can’t. Your doctor can’t.
Only you can.
And if you want reliable, good-feeling mental health, you must make expanding your comfort zone a high-priority habit.
Especially on the topic of money, finance, and business.
Which, if you’re not used to it, can feel ‘hard.’
But just like (cycling or) swimming, it’s not actually hard, and you just need to buckle down and dip your toe in the water, then keep practicing until it’s easy.
Expand your comfort zone. Love your self.
(You’ll notice practice is a massive theme here, because it’s one of your greatest but most-neglected tools. No one practices anything important these days, especially mental healing.)
Seventeen
Following from above, express yourself.
As a child:
You were a master of self-expression.
You expressed yourself because you knew it was an important step to reaching your dreams and taking care of your self.
You expressed yourself even if it ruffled other people’s feathers or rocked the boat.
You were a f*cking baller.
So what happened?
Why did you stop?
You damage your mental health every time you repress anything your heart wants you to express.
So get back to your expressive self.
Replace repression with expression.
I get why people hesitate to express themselves.
Fear, trained into them by authority figures who stomped out your expression in your past.
Fear that…
But not expressing at all is a terrible, mentally damaging solution to those things.
You probably have things on your heart and mind you’ve been waiting to express for months (or years) to people close to you.
Step up.
The world responds poorly to one who continually expresses depression, hate, anger, guilt, etc.
And that makes sense.
(It’d be weird if other people fawned and doted on people expressing negativity often.)
I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, or that you’re not ‘allowed’ to express “negative” emotions.
It’s fine to express these things sometimes, but…
…just like it’s fine to punch your own house’s wall, there will still be consequences.
Keep it up and soon the walls of your house will be falling apart.
You’ll quickly realize that expressing your anger by punching walls makes your living space quite unpleasant… so you must drop that form of expressing anger.
You’ll have to find healthier ways to do it if you want to keep your house in order.
Similarly, you can quickly damage the ‘walls’ of your social circles.
It’s fine to feel depressed or angry, but if you express ‘negative vibes’ by ’emotionally punching’ the people around you…
…there will be consequences.
Your ‘social living space’ or ‘relational living space’ will end up quite unpleasant and fall apart, just like your house would if you threw physical punches daily.
Learn to manage your moods and emotions better.
Learn to express whatever feeling you have with skill. Don’t just smash your emotions around and expect other people to adore you for it.
You have the ability to express and communicate better.
Do it to keep the supportive walls of your social circles in good condition.
Do it so that you’re more often expressing things that people value and appreciate, instead of just damage.
It’ll feel better, make your life easier, and stop you from punching holes in your social support system.
Because even Jesus, Gandhi or Mother Teresa couldn’t stay for prolonged periods of time around people who just use them as emotional punching bags.
Express your self. Love your self.
Eighteen
There’s a famous cliche that goes:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
And it’s mostly right.
Most people are better off avoiding comparison, especially to others.
But comparison is part of life.
If you light, you compare it to dark. It you feel hot, you compare it to cold.
Comparison and contrast are foundations of life, so your only option is to learn to use it well.
How?
It’s easier than most realize, you’re probably already great at it, you just end up comparing on autopilot, instead of using it intentionally.
For example, it’s so simple that when you compare, only two things can happen:
So how can you tell which way you’re going to feel after you make a comparison?
Easy, (as usual) it’s through practice. Through experience.
And you can even test how good you are at predicting how a comparison is gonna go.
For example:
If you compare your content today to Kim Kardashian’s, how are you going to feel, good, or bad?
I bet you were able to answer each of those questions easily, with great accuracy in your predictions.
You already know how a comparison is going to make you feel before you do it.
So why are you making crappy comparisons that injure your mental health?
And the misuse of comparison doesn’t stop there.
When you get good with the tool of comparison…
…you’re able to compare yourself to people who are way smarter, hotter, or richer than you.
And something amazing happens.
Instead of feeling bad in comparison, you actually feel good.
You feel good because you see them as an example of what’s possible, a blueprint to learn from, and an aspiration that you’re on your way to matching.
Using comparison well is a great way to love your self.
Nineteen
Brene Brown gives celebrated talks on the power of vulnerability, but you don’t need to watch them to know that those able to be most vulnerable, thrive with their mental health.
So why do people avoid being vulnerable, when the people we look up to most, are often being vulnerable in the public eye.
Well…
Vulnerable—
1: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2: open to attack or damage, vulnerable to criticism
This definition sounds bad.
It sounds like we should remain closed, so we can’t be hurt.
Until you realize that being open to life, means you’re also open to blessings, love, connection, wealth, security, pleasure, and more.
If you’re not open to skinning your knees, you’ll never feel the joy of cycling. If you’re not open to a bit of water in the lungs, you’ll never feel the joy of swimming. If you’re not open to rejection, you’ll never feel connection.
Being open and vulnerable is where bliss lies waiting for you.
Being closed may minimize your hurt, but you’re not really living.
Your life will be a miserable, grey, lifeless mess.
And being closed, defensive, fear and protectiveness is a choice.
So is being vulnerable.
But since most people are so guarded, they must start gently, with small doses of vulnerability.
They must also practice being more and more vulnerable.
Maybe you start by admitting you like listening to the Spice Girls as a guilty pleasure and letting haters hate.
Maybe you start by admitting your mental health sucks, and it’s time to get help.
Beyonce, Kim K, Belle Delphine, Angelina Jolie, and so many other women have learned to be vulnerable.
They’ve learned to step up, show off, and express themselves.
They knew they could deal with the ‘weirdos’, ‘creeps’, and ‘stalkers’ if they happened to pop up.
And you can too.
You just have to gradually improve your vulnerability muscles, without biting off more than you can chew.
Whatever the case:
You’re meant to increase your openness & vulnerability.
Do it and your openness to blessings, abundance, and peace will increase too.
Love your self.
(*Note: My partner and I had a tiny moment of closed-ness while I was writing this, so as with all tips… all of us must continually practice.)
Twenty
Since you were an infant, you’ve been deciding what to do with your moments.
Whether you realize it or not.
No one climbed into your body and decided for you.
When you became a teenager, you did the same, choosing to spend your time more on friends, or more on schoolwork.
In later years, you decided to spend more on side-hustles, or more time moving up the ladder at work. Or maybe you decided to stop spending your time on a job at all, and went freelance.
In your relationships, you decide to spend time arguing, or to dump your dramatic partner and free up your time. Or you decided to invest time in counselling and see if you can salvage the relationship.
The pattern here is ‘you.’
You.
You.
You decide your schedule.
No one else.
So make your schedule serve you.
And if your schedule doesn’t serve you, then start tweaking it.
Because it does, to your life, and your mental health.
Love your schedule, love your self.
Twenty-One
To use appreciation well takes practice.
Especially if you’re rusty at appreciating things.
And I hate to say it, but most of humanity is rusty AF at appreciation.
(Even though everyone’s ego convinces them they’re *great* at it.)
Only you know the truth about your level of appreciation, but if you don’t wake up sublimely grateful that you have:
…then you’ve got work to do, because those are valuable blessings.
Don’t take them for granted.
Same goes for the miraculous human body continually healing, restoring, and energizing you to get through another day as best as it can.
Same goes for the trillions of dollars flowing throughout our economy. The fact that all those dollars exist now compared to caveman times is nuts.
Appreciate that stuff.
Start with appreciation for those things, then level up to being grateful for challenges, hardships, and mistreatments.
The most successful people in the world are those who go through hardships, and look back on them fondly, without regret.
They’re appreciative for the lessons every challenge brought.
And don’t worry, appreciating shitty things doesn’t mean you’ll get more of them.
(Life’s gonna serve ’em up to you regardless, it always does.)
Instead…
Appreciating shitty things is just a sign that your positivity-muscles and mental health are strong.
It means that shitty things won’t cripple you and send you into total despair like they do for appreciation-rookies.
So level up your appreciation to level up your mental health.
Love your self.
Xanax will give you 'nice feelings', but won't improve your mental health much.
This page will 'trigger' your feelings, but permanently improves your mental health.
Which is better for you?
We are ‘feeling-beings’, and so our feelings are massively important and capable of empowering us. The problem is most people hardly understand their feelings at all.
I could write a big article on each of these tips, so if you want help with any of them, please email my partner Cyn at cynshineonline@gmail.com.
Twenty-Two
Where do your feelings come from?
No.
Your feelings come from you.
These feelings are all something inside you, and the external things we think are ‘causing’ them are mostly meaningless.
They’re neutral things, waiting for us to decide how to feel about them.
(Though we usually snap to judgment without consciously choosing how to feel.)
We choose what to think about our feelings. We choose what meaning they have for us.
And those choices result in feelings.
And if we don’t like the feelings we’re receiving, we can make different choices.
We create our feelings, they’re a part of us.
Which means your feelings are wonderful, because (like all human beings,)…
…you’re wonderful.
All people, you included, are a miracle of nature, full of potential, and you’re equipped with amazing tools like limbs, organs, and yes… feelings.
Think about your nerves.
Sometimes our pain-receptor nerves don’t feel so great to us, but it’s still very good that we have them.
Our pain-receptors help us navigate the external world.
And similarly, when talking about mental health…
Our painful emotions help us navigate the internal world.
But only as long as we accept, love, and embrace them.
I love my feelings.
I even love the unpleasant ones like money anxiety… how about you?
I hope you love your feelings, and love your self.
Twenty-Three
Which would you say helps you master money more effectively?
You likely answered that open-mindedness, objectivity, and understanding help you master money effectively.
Well, guess what?
You instantly lose access to all three of those things when you’re angry, stressed, or sad.
Emotions like anger, stress, and sadness impede the brain-chemicals and processes you need to be open-minded, objective, or understanding.
So, the more time you spend in anger, stress, or sadness, the worse you handle money.
And the worse you handle money, the more angry, stressed, or sad you’ll choose to be.
So what do you do?
The same thing anyone has ever done to get out of a destructive cycle.
You make a choice to break the cycle.
And you do it by controlling the only thing you can control.
Your inner-landscape.
Your thoughts, moods, and choices.
Only you can break that cycle and start tapping into open-mindedness, objectivity, and understanding.
Only you can practice shifting your anger, stress, and sadness to more productive states of mind and mood.
And it’s so important if you want to release money anxiety and move your financial life forward.
Mind you mood. Love your self.
Twenty-Four
Every thought has an emotion that comes along with it.
It may be a tiny emotion, it may be a big emotion, but it’s an emotion, and it’s there.
Because your emotions are your compass.
Your emotions are your guidance system.
They exist to help you recognize when you’re thinking thoughts that harm your mental health, and when you’re thinking thoughts that nurture your mental health.
Imagine your friend Maxine calls your latest photo an ‘unsexy blurry mess.’
You can think along whatever line of thought you prefer, for example:
You see?
One situation, three possible lines of thought.
And each line of thought will absolutely generate different feelings.
And those feelings are like giant neon signs pointing the way towards better mental health.
But most people ignore their emotional guidance system.
Most people just default to the first (bad-feeling) line of thought every time.
They ignore their feelings, and refuse to make choices that feel better, and so…
…they harm their own mentality, over and over.
But you can stop it any time with a bit of effort, and yes… practice.
Love your self.
Twenty-Five
So many people behave like short-cut hunters and corner-cutters.
So many people are looking for easy money, easy skill, easy fame.
And they usually don’t even realize they’re doing it.
But eventually the truth gets revealed…
Because the consequences of trying to shortcut success is always painful.
People have tried it for millennia.
You don’t get anything fulfilling in life, without doing the work and making the changes to align with it.
Shortcuts and corner-cutting have zero place in that process.
You get out of life what you put into it.
Make peace with this, and watch your mental health blossom.
Love your self.
Twenty-Six
You know very little about life.
I know very little about life.
Your favorite celebrity knows very little about life.
Life is a massive thing, full of many topics that one generation swears they ‘get’.
And what happens?
A couple generations later, we can hardly believe that generation could be so foolish.
Good, kind, ‘normal’ people used to think ‘blood-letting’ was a cure for most diseases way back in the day.
Now society laughs at such silliness.
Good, kind, ‘normal’ people used to think smoking cigarettes was a blessing.
Our current generations scoffs at such views.
You may think you know something so important about politics, or the economy, or social media, or creepy dudes, or covid, or whatever.
But a couple generations from now, you may find you were so, so wrong.
(The same thing can happen to me.)
You don’t know much at all, and most of what you think you know, aren’t actually facts.
Even long-standing ‘laws’ of physics are being disproven by quantum physicists over and over.
Even our best science often turns out to be just an opinion, easily dismantled a few generations later.
You don’t have many, if any, facts.
What you have… are opinions.
And if you value your mental health, you’ll treat them as what they are.
Opinions.
And when you recognize your ideas as the opinions that they are, you’ll think, act, and talk differently.
Extremist, dogmatic, diehard stances should be rare for you on the majority of topics, because you know so little about the majority of topics.
And if you act as if your opinions are facts, your mental health will degenerate.
Recognize your opinions for what they are. Love your self.
Twenty-Seven
As above:
What you think ‘should’ happen —or what people ‘should’ do— are just your preferences.
You prefer people to speak nicely to you, but the world needs all kinds of people, even the prickly assholes.
Nature, evolution, and the universe doesn’t think they ‘should’ be any different than they are.
They are serving their purpose, playing their role, and on their own journey.
You think money ‘should’ flow to you effortlessly, but our economy runs on perceived value & perceived contribution.
The economy doesn’t change because you think it ‘should.’
‘Should’ing all over yourself & others is a fast path to being triggered, angry, and stressed.
Whereas simply stating a preference…
…then gently accepting that sometimes you don’t get your exact preferences at the exact time you want them…
…is a path to peace, self care, and glowing mental well-being.
Make peace with your preferences, love your self.
Twenty-Eight
Well, that’s fine.
You’re welcome to believe those things.
Because that’s the beauty of beliefs.
Beliefs are unlimited possibilities.
You can believe whatever you want.
Some people believe the earth is flat (I’ve not checked on that for myself, but I do disagree with that opinion.)
Some people believe their ex disappeared because they were taken by aliens.
You are free to believe whatever you want to believe.
The real question is:
“is what you believe serving you, empowering you, and helping you rock life?”
Because the three beliefs I opened this section with absolutely do not serve, empower, or help you rock life.
They limit you, keep you comfortable, and give you excuses not to change or pursue a better reality.
Technically you could instead believe:
‘Rich people must deserve their wealth on some level, because other human beings gave it to them, and I intend to deserve my wealth too. ‘
Or…
‘People without limbs, bipolar folks, and homeless people somehow manage to make content in some pretty terrible conditions, so I’m sure I can figure out a way to do the same.’
Or…
‘My projects may not have worked in the past, but that was the old me who knew less stuff. My new projects have a much higher chance of working, and I intend to keep learning and trying until they do.’
These beliefs are just as easy to believe as the first ones I outlined, if you care enough to make an effort.
Plus, they’re far, far more empowering.
No one is stopping you from auditing your beliefs on important topics like health, wealth, relationships, communication, religion, politics and more… except you.
Step up, take a good look at your beliefs, and start tweaking them.
I even wrote you a giant guide to help you do exactly that.
(Reading it is another way to love your self.)
Twenty-Nine
If you’re going to call yourself a ‘supermodel’, you’re in for a rough time if you don’t have the confidence levels necessary to live up to that label.
It sounds ‘yucky’, but you’d actually be better off calling yourself an ‘average model’, for now.
At least at first.
Similarly, if you’re going to call yourself an ‘entrepreneur’, ‘freelancer’, or ‘online sexworker’, you’re in for hell if you don’t have the money-making confidence necessary to live up to that label.
You’d be way better off calling yourself a ‘student of business’ or ‘online sw intern’ for now.
At least for your first chosen identity.
Yes, the ‘smaller’ identities feel less flashy, less boast-worthy, and it can ‘sting’ to say them out loud because they seem far away from your true dreams…
…but at least you’ll have the confidence to live up to those small identities.
Choosing identities and labels that feel within your reach saves your sanity and prevents a lot of money anxiety.
One of the easiest ways to shatter your mental health is to call yourself a ‘successful entrepreneur’ when you’re broke, homeless, and praying to die.
One of the easiest ways to nuke your mental health is to call yourself a ‘successful OnlyFans model’ when you’re scared to show your body, and you haven’t learned to get more than 1 subscriber a month.
“Stop biting off more than you can chew.”
Choose identities that you have the skills, attitude, and confidence to live up to.
Once you achieve them, then you can aspire to more, and choose a ‘bigger’ identity or label for yourself.
Love your self.
Thirty
No one’s got a knife to your throat.
Even if it can sometimes feels that way.
No one’s forcing you to talk about ‘money,’ ‘relationship issues’, or ‘which chore is whose responsibility.’
So why do people always push forward and discuss touchy topics when their mood is off?
Because I’m telling you right now, failing to get your mood right before you tackle any topic…
…is a recipe for destroyed mental health.
Get your shit together before you talk about topics that have a chance of triggering you.
For some people it’s “who takes out the garbage”, for others it’s “how do we avoid bankruptcy.”
You know damn well which ones they are for you.
So get your mental right before you dive into discussions on those trigger topics.
It takes practice.
You’ve been warned, so practice well, and love your self..
Thirty-One
I covered this a bit in the ’emotional compass’ tip, but good mental health requires you to realize that happiness is a choice.
If you could run an experiment on all 7+ billion humans on earth where they all got put in the same painful situation, you’d see:
Some percentage of them choose to view it as a blessing. Still alive, they’d learn from it easily, adapt, and become stronger.
Another percentage of them would choose to view it as a hell inflicted upon them. Still alive, they’d feel broken by it, learn nothing, and use the trauma as an excuse to delay their potential.
They’d be people from all walks of life, and you know what you’d discover?
Every one of them used their free will, their decision-making, their freedom of choice…
…to milk the experience for either happiness and value for themselves, or for pain, misery, and further self-limitation.
I highly recommend you play the ‘happy moments’ game.
It’s a game where you do your absolute best to extract happiness and value from whatever’s going on.
The other option is to play the ‘miserable moments’ game, extracting misery from whatever’s going on.
There are people doing both, in all situations, right now.
You emotions are your choice, your responsibility, and your power.
No one else’s.
Love your self.
(P.S This applies no matter how much you wish there were someone to blame for how shitty you feel sometimes.)
Technically most of these tips are mindset shifts, but these in particular are rare and precious perspectives that boost your mental health significantly.
Thirty-Two
Although life is big, mysterious, and seems complex…
…most things you actually want to achieve are simpler than you let them be.
We’ve been trained to over-complicate things.
Usually we do it because making something ‘complex’ is a solid reason to avoid bothering with it.
“It’s crazy complicated, it’s way too hard to achieve, I might as well just watch Netflix.”
The truth is, most things you want are simple.
They may take work, effort, or time… but they’re not as complicated as most imagine.
Making money, for example.
Millions of people have been successfully running their own businesses since the dawn of humanity.
It’s not complicated.
Millions of people have been going through hardships and coming out the other side stronger and healthier since the dawn of humanity.
It’s not complicated.
Millions of people have built audiences and followings using the same attention-getting and engagement tactics since the dawn of humanity.
It’s not complicated.
So stop over-complicating things.
It doesn’t help you.
Instead, simplify them.
How?
Committed practice.
Step into ‘the arena,’ and start learning how simple whatever is confusing you really is through experience.
Just like countless people have before you.
And if you struggle, don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that it’s “too hard” or “too complicated.”
Instead, consider that you’re doing something simple… incorrectly.
If something isn’t working for you in the basic, primal process of “selling stuff to other humans”…
…you are doing something wrong.
So save your mental by admitting it instead of denying it, or labelling it ‘too complicated.’
Love your self.
Thirty-Three
And play is a primal force.
Playing around with ideas, with possibilities, with the tools of your career… is a powerful approach.
Because playing games is a microcosm of life.
Life is one giant game.
Don’t believe me? Try it on for size.
If you see life as a game, things start to make sense.
So let’s assume life is a game, just for a moment:
Life makes complete sense when you see it as a game.
Even though it can feel like a game who’s rules you haven’t figured out yet.
Even if it’s a game that’s been frustrating you lately.
And the beauty is, there are players who are happy to help you get the hang of the game, if you bother to reach out to them.
See life as a game and relieve your mental burdens.
See life as anything else and watch your mindset slowly collapse.
Choose your view wisely, love your self.
Thirty-Four
As an infant you weren’t suicidally depressed.
Even if you were born into a rough situation, you still weren’t suicidally depressed.
This is because deep down, your soul knew that:
“Anyone can get the hang of life at any time.”
You knew on a primal level, that many celebs were born to terrible parents, and they still rose above it and created a great life.
You knew you too, could master the game.
If you were lucky, you ended up about 5o% or 60% negative. (And if you can’t admit you’re generally negative, check out tip #5 about denial and assessment.)
It took you years to end up how you are now.
It took you years to end up with ailing mental health.
So, hey…
If it takes you ten or twenty months of work to heal yourself and get back to being a truly positive, prosperous person like you were as a baby…
…10, 20, even 30 months is totally reasonable, no?
So relax and go about your self work.
You’ve got this.
Love your self.
Thirty-Five
Stop trying to ‘be done.’
Stop feeling bad when you realize ‘there’s more to work on.’
Having “more to do” is normal.
We’re all meant to be working on ourselves regularly, the same way we all feeding ourselves regularly.
This may be shocking, but…
You must look after your food intake and your bodily processes continually.
You won’t “be done” until you’re dead.
It’s pretty silly to whine that you want to ‘be done’ taking care of your body’s health.
Your mental health is the same.
You must look after your mental intake and emotional processes continually.
You won’t “be done” until you’re dead.
It’s silly to whine that you want to ‘be done’ taking care of your mental health.
Mental healing is an ongoing process, just like staying in shape or feeding yourself.
So please…
Never again feel bad that you’re “not done,” because that’s like feeling bad that food needs to be consumed.
And it’s a surefire way to injure your mental health.
Embrace not being done. Love your self.
Thirty-Six
Failure is a tool you used to love.
As a child you loved failure.
Then you’d discuss your failures with your friends, compare notes with their failures, and see if you all could come up with a way to beat the game.
You were the furthest thing from a perfectionist possible.
You were messy AF.
You were eager to fail.
You let nothing stop you from growing towards your dreams.
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan
Do whatever you must to return to embracing failure.
(You can still aim to be as ‘close to perfect’ as you can be, as long as it doesn’t make you hesitate, delay, fear, or avoid failure like it does for nearly everyone.)
Your only other choice is to let perfectionism kill your dreams, your emotional stability, and your mental.
Choose well. Love your self.
Thirty-Seven
(Actually, judgment of just about anything will hurt your mental health, and spread to your money anxieties.)
You must learn to trust your feelings without judging them.
And the only way you tune in to your true feelings is by trusting them.
Sometimes this doesn’t work out smoothly when you first start doing it.
Because your guidance system is f*cked up.
It’s mis-calibrated.
It needs re-calibrated.
It got that way because your parents, teachers, and the media have screwed it up.
And the way to recalibrate it is counter-intuitive.
It’s by trusting your feelings, more and more, even if it results in some less-than-pleasant circumstances.
As a kid, you trusted your feeling that told you to touch the hot stove-burner.
So you did.
You got burned.
You cried.
It was a ‘negative experience.’
Except that it wasn’t.
Your feelings are wiser than your intellect.
Your intellect fears everything and tries to control everything.
Your feelings want you to do anti-intellectual things occasionally, because it’ll give you precious life-experience, build your character, and help you feel alive.
(That doesn’t mean never use your brain, obviously. I used mine a lot in order to write this.)
But your feelings know how to guide you, and you don’t listen to them enough.
Your feelings knew that you needed a healthy respect for heat, so they guided you to the experience of a slight burn.
Your parents said:
“don’t touch the stove,”
But you just had to do it, because you were guided by your feelings. It felt right to touch the burner.
Same for swimming.
Your feelings told you it’d be fun to get in the water and swim with the grown-ups, but your feelings also knew you needed a healthy respect for drowning.
So they spurred you to choke on a bit of water.
It was unpleasant, but you learned.
Your feelings were self-calibrating their guidance system.
But the only way for them to do that, is for you to follow their guidance and embrace experience, (even if it’s sometimes less than pleasant.)
If you avoid trying, avoid experimenting, avoid being open, and avoid… well, life… your feelings can never calibrate correctly for you.
“You have to die a few times before you can really live.“ – Charles Bukowski
Basically, if you judge your hobbies, interests, passions, and impulses… you’ll avoid experiencing them.
You’ll rob your emotional guidance system of precious data.
You can have a good relationship with your feelings, where you let them guide you towards new interests, passions, and hobbies…
…or…
…You can have a terrible relationship with your feelings where you doubt, blame, avoid, and repress them.
You can let your over-thinking mind stomp out every fun experiment you’re meant to be doing.
It’ll keep your life small, miserable, and poor.
The quality of your relationship with your feelings determines the quality of your life.
People who are in tune with their feelings tend to live quite well, people who don’t tend to live miserably.
People who pursue their hobbies, interests, and impulses quickly learn if they’re truly “for them” or just a passing fad.
This is how you find the ‘true you.’
By actually living.
Love your self.
Thirty-Eight
We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
And…
We can only believe in others as much as we believe in ourselves.
You may think:
“Oh, I believe in other people so much, I just don’t believe in myself.“
Wrong.
You’re lying to yourself.
What’s described in that quote is not possible.
It goes against universal laws.
You absolutely can’t:
Oh sure…
You can make it sound or look like you’re giving those things to others, you can convince yourself that you’re giving those things…
…but nobody you’re “giving” them to will actually feel they’ve received them from you.
They may even “thank” you for them, but since you’re not actually “giving” them, those people’s gratitude will be hollow and empty.
Sooner or later, it’ll all come crumbling down.
Sooner or later you’ll be tired of “giving” (even though you really weren’t), and you’ll resent everyone you ‘gave love’ to.
(True, wholesome giving doesn’t tire someone, it energizes them.)
Sooner or later, the people who were “thanking” you (even though they didn’t really feel like they were receiving love from you), will stop thanking you, because it feels like a drain or a burden to feed your ego’s need for praise.
The reason many people feel ‘unloved’, is because they aren’t giving as much love out to others as they think they are.
Because you can only give as much love to others as you have for your self.
People often feel:
“I’m giving as much love as humanly possible!”
But love is unlimited.
This is just something people say, when they’ve hit their own personal ceiling for giving love.
(And that ceiling in modern society is often pitifully small.)
Most people are bad at tapping into love, especially self-love.
And so, they can only give whatever level of self-love they’ve currently reached themselves.
And it always feels like they’re “giving so much”, because they haven’t bothered to elevate their own ceiling of love.
We can all learn to hit new heights of love for ourselves and others.
And that doesn’t mean we must ‘give til it hurts.’
It means we ‘should’ be giving a healthy amount, in a healthy way, and then increase our ability to show love as we can.
But none of it involves whining “I’m giving as much as possible!”
I truly hope this clicks with you.
Learning to love yourself more is so important, because it’s the only way you’ll fill up your cup, and have love to overflow to others.
Ever.
So… Love your self.
Thirty-Nine
Nature is crazy efficient.
Nature uses every material, even the ‘waste.’
Animals in nature move efficiently, rarely wasting energy for no reason.
People though? Not so much.
Most people aren’t very efficient at living their lives.
Especially those suffering from mental health issues.
What does this mean?
It means if you want to align more with nature and feel more energized…
…you may want to play around with efficiency.
Just see how it feels.
See how it affects your mental health.
Notice whether it makes you feel empowered, drained, or neutral.
Cluttered closets mean a cluttered mind. – Louise Hay
This quote is 100% true, but it gets at the point.
Nature adores efficient systems, and anyone who increases the efficiency of something in their life –of their own free will– tends to feel empowered.
Efficient systems are a wonderful salve for certain mental health problems.
Try them and see.
Love your self.
Forty
This sounds scary, but it’s really not.
Most people think ‘addiction’ is some terrible thing, but actually…
…addiction is a natural human response to repeated stimulus.
“Your mind and body work together to ‘addict’ you to anything view as worthwhile and do repeatedly.” – Me
If you see something as worth doing, and you do it repeatedly, your mind and body will carve newer and bigger myelin and nerve pathways.
They do this to make that life choice you’ve chosen to repeat a few times easier, faster, and smoother to do again.
Your mind and body with both start anticipating the experience and urge you to pursue it.
They will do this for any experience. From repeating an inside joke with friends to binging on ice cream when you’re sad.
If you see them as a worthwhile life choice, and you do them repeatedly… the natural, normal, mind/body addiction process will start.
A runner getting a “runner’s high” will experience the same thing, quickly ‘addicting’ themselves to running.
But it takes intention, time, and effort to make the addiction happen.
Your body and mind won’t magically do it randomly one day of their own free will. They won’t even do it the first or second time you experience something.
They wait for a pattern of at least three before wasting energy on adaptation.
When you first experience a drug, you don’t instantly become addicted.
If any drug could instantly ‘addict’ human beings, whoever had it would be running the world. He’d just spike everyone’s food he could, and they’d become dependent on him for more.
Humans physiology wasn’t designed to trip into a field of poppies and instantly be addicted.
That’s not how it works.
Pleasant substances do exist, sure, but they require the participation of someone’s mind and body, over time, to form an addiction.
You just try an experience at first.
If you hate it, like when I tried my first cigarette as a teenager…
…the natural addiction process that all bodies are primed to provide for you, should it be deemed necessary…
…stops there.
If you like the experience, then you go about your life, and eventually you either choose to do it again, or you decide not to.
That is a choice.
And addiction still hasn’t really happened.
But your mind and body are getting ready for it.
Because your mind and body are addiction machines.
They both want to make whatever activity you choose to do regularly… efficient.
They want it to be smooth and easy.
Which means adding some dopamine ‘motivation’ to get you doing it.
If you wash the dishes often and view the activity as positive or worthwhile, you’ll find you naturally become:
If you masturbate often and view it as positive or worthwhile, you’ll find you naturally become:
Washing dishes or masturbation aren’t specifically ‘good’ or ‘bad’, but your mind and body will gladly get you addicted to either if you do it enough.
Humans are addiction machines.
When I met Cyn she was addicted to pain-medications, a few weeks later she ditched that addiction.
She remained addicted to Reese’s Pieces and other junk food, until she replaced that addiction with swimming.
You can do similar, and many people have.
Despite Alcoholics Anonymous false claims that you’re forever “powerless over addiction.”
If you value your mental health, you’ll make peace with this ‘addictive’ aspect of your humanity, and make sure it serves you.
Love your self.
Forty-One
You know what really hurts your mental health?
Pretending that your challenge, crisis, or drama is ‘special.’
Pretending any of these are true hurts your mentality, but people do all these things.
Because pretending your trauma is more ‘impressive’, ‘special’, or ‘worthy’ than most is:
Many people with ailing mental health instantly jump to the phrase:
“I can’t do ______ because I have [insert trauma.]”
Meanwhile Nick Vujicic has no limbs, but still stopped using the ‘rough hand’ he was dealt as a shield.
He currently lives an impressive fulfilling life as a motivational speaker with a model wife.
And Viktor Frankl saw his father, mother, and wife die in the three concentration camps he was sent to.
And what did he have to say about his trauma?
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
He chose a positive attitude over whining, complaining, or sympathy-seeking.
He chose to rise above.
He chose create a great life for himself despite one of the hardest, most intense traumas one could name.
Life serves traumas to everyone. Stop whining about yours.
It only makes your money anxiety worse.
Instead, rise above them.
Love your self.
Forty-Two
What is more loving to your self…
What is more loving to your self…
What is more loving to your self…
Hopefully it’s obvious:
Self-discipline is a form of love.
Love your self.
Mental health is solely a mental game. Getting in tune with your body, aligning your mind-body connection, and playing around with the physical parts of your environment can be true game-changers.
As I mention in each section, I could write a lot about each point, so if you want a hand with any of them, please email my partner Cyn at cynshineonline@gmail.com.
Forty-Three
Tony Robbins swears by using music, dance, and movement to ‘change his state’, he also uses ‘intention statements.’
He insists his attendees move, dance, and get in tune with the music, because he knows teaching people who aren’t in a good state is a giant waste of energy.
He uses ‘intention statements’ before he goes live in order to elevate his state to a more effective one, one that gets results.
You can change your state too, and you’ve done it often.
If you’ve ever felt bad, and “gone to take a shower” to feel better… you made a choice to change your state.
If your mood’s ever been dark and you turned to a pet to feel better… you made a choice to change your state.
Everyone has ‘things’ in life that can change their state, but most people use them on autopilot, and rarely intentionally.
It’s a shame, because these things are so easy to do, and so incredibly powerful for healing your mental health.
When you realize that you have nearly effortless ways to change your mind-state and elevate your mood whenever you want… it’s so empowering.
It helps you end any mental or emotional discomfort shockingly fast.
“But I don’t always have a cat or dog to pet,”
you say.
No, you don’t, but everyone has many state-change triggers.
No one has just one thing ever that helps them feel better.
There’s many.
You have an arsenal of state-changers at your fingertips, you just need to pay attention to them.
Build a new habit of turning to them.
One small warning though: If you over-rely on these you’ll end up ‘addicted’ to them (like I explained in tip #40), over-relying on them as crutches.
So you’ll want to ‘be a grown-up’ here, use self-discipline as you’ve done for other things in your life…
…and catch yourself (or get an accountability partner to catch you) if you’re ever over-doing it.
Love your self.
Forty-Four
You have a mind-body connection.
Your mind is “more” powerful, because it’s internal, untouchable, and uncontrollable by others unless we allow it.
It’s so powerful that even if your body’s trapped, restrained, or dismembered… your mind can still overcome, triumph, and elevate you.
But that doesn’t mean your body isn’t powerful.
In fact, for many people, bodily movement, exercise, and play are incredibly uplifting and positive influences on mental health.
Even a walk somewhere can be a form of self care.
You can even slow down your heart rate and dissolve anxiety anytime you want.
This is documented in so many places, so don’t ignore all the wisdom… try it for yourself.
Do committed, open-minded experiments with exercise or movement, and see how it affects your mindset.
Love your self.
Forty-Five
Experiment with being in nature, in libraries, in cafes.
Experiment with cleaning your space.
Experiment with putting sticky-note reminders in your environment.
Experiment with working in your car or taking breaks in a locked bathroom if you have to.
Be creative and take some control of your environment.
It’ll be one step towards you taking more control of your life.
Recently my partner moved the garbage can’s location in our home, and it changed the entire vibe of the room, and helped us be more pleased with kitchen chores.
If you’re serious about self care, explore the impact even small tweaks to your environment can have, and start improving yours now.
Love your self.
Forty-Six
If you walk two steps in the wrong shoes, it’s no big deal.
If you walk 200,000 steps in the wrong shoes, it can literally cripple you.
This is the power of a small action compounding repeatedly over and over.
The same goes for skin care.
Put on some lotion once, it feels nice I guess.
Put on some lotion daily, for decades, and people are asking you:
“how are you always so youthful and glowing?”
A small positive action compounding repeatedly over and over.
Now…
Name an activity you do more often than breathing.
Name an activity that effects more of your cells, over and over, than breathing.
Exactly.
Any improvement you make to your breathing compounds majorly, affecting every other part of your life.
Controlled breathing is a great way to calm anxiety or relax any stress.
It’s also a great way to energize and oxygenate your body, to get you ready to achieve.
Whether it’s the Wim Hof Method, James Nestor‘s teachings, the Buteyko Method, or just basic yoga…
People all over have used breathing to cure all sorts of things.
Your mental health deserves you to explore the power of intentional breathing, doesn’t it?
Love your self.
Forty-Seven
Water is the most abundant liquid on earth.
Water’s also the most abundant liquid in your body.
When you suffer without it, especially by choice, it sends a message of lack to your body, mind, and emotions.
When you prioritize it, making sure you’re hydrated, it sends a signal of abundance and security to your body, mind, and emotions.
Good hydration makes sure your cells operate properly.
A healthy amount of water can:
Good hydration is a key foundation for a healthy mental state.
Get a water reminder app and stay on top of it consistently.
Your overall mood will improve.
Love your self.
Forty-Seven
I’m not against medications, they can be quite helpful to some.
But, hopefully you aim to reach a health where you don’t need meds.
You got to your current condition over time, and you have the potential to be med-free over time as well.
Aiming for it doesn’t mean you’ll reach it.
It doesn’t mean you’ll automatically never need medications again.
But if you don’t set a high bar and march towards it as best you can, you’ll never find out how far you can go.
Medicine is kind of like a crutch, or glasses.
I’ve worn glasses for four decades, but I know that Vishen Lakhiani from MindValley cured his need for glasses with a vision coach.
So I’ve set my sights on doing the same.
It may take me longer than him.
I may need to save up a budget for it.
But it’s a bar I set for myself, and I intend to see how close I can get to it.
Will I use glasses for now? Sure, I’m at peace with my ‘vision-crutch’ for now.
It’s fine to use medication if it feels right to you and helps you, but the thing is…
It’s rare for anyone to feel empowered when living on crutches.
So even if you end up using one or two meds for life…
Hopefully the goal along the way is to be as ‘crutch-free’ or ‘medication-free’ as possible.
Cyn stopped Prozac, Lithium, Geodon, and Xanax after twenty years. Then she ditched Baclofen and Tramadol. She did it ‘cold turkey’, without help, trusting she could do it, and she was right.
(Note: We’re just sharing our experiences, we’re not doctors. So please consult your doctor.)
Understand that the human body is a miracle, and is capable of way more than you (or western science), realizes.
March towards a medication-free life as much as possible.
Love your self.
Forty-Eight
This doesn’t mean read books about bookkeeping and accounting.
(Though they probably wouldn’t hurt.)
It means…
Read books that shift your mind and mood about the entire topic of money.
Books that specifically address money anxiety.
The classic most people recommend is ‘Think And Grow Rich’, and while I adore that book, I don’t believe it’s very effective for people with financial self-care issues.
Instead, I’d recommend one or all of the following money anxiety books:
These books are true mindset-changers regarding money.
(I also recommend many more truly epic books in my Booklist For Influencers.)
Just like feeding your body, make sure you feed your mind well.
Love your self.
Forty-Nine
Here’s the physical process for getting what you want.*
*(With rare exceptions.)
If you want a glass of water (X), you must travel well to the kitchen, handle the glass with care, and make sure not to over-pour or miss the glass (Y & Z).
If you want to grow food (X), you must plant a seed, the plant must be provided nutrients, the food must be harvested (Y & Z).
And if you neglect (or half-ass) any of the steps, you won’t get what you want.
Period.
So in summary, the physical process of getting what you want is this:
If you want X, you must perform Y & Z well.
It’s that simple.
Make peace with this, learn how to leverage it, and practice getting what you want on small things first, then scale up.
Love your self.
Fifty
Quantum leaps, revelations, and massive instant personal growth is possible.
But seeking them out is usually painful.
For example, my homeless years were incredibly painful, but they provided quantum leaps and much growth.
Quantum Leaps & pain go hand-in-hand.
But there’s more pleasant paths for you.
They’re often called ‘baby steps’.
Baby steps are what we used to grow as kids, and they still work now.
Instead of quantum leaps…
For any change you want to achieve, take small, gentle steps, learning from every small failure.
Weeks, months, or years later, the change will be done, it will be solidified in your life, and it will have felt surprisingly easy.
This process isn’t flashy.
It takes discipline.
But it works for everyone who’s ever tried it.
Love your self.
Each time you feel bad is a chance to choose who you are.
Either handle the vibe with grace and become a better person...
...or you let it make you worse, less loving, and much harder to love.
Our last section is self care tips you can turn to when you’re dealing with other people. (These are some of the most helpful tips in our crowded digital society.)
Fifty-One
Highly loving, ‘whole,’ emotionally mature individuals own their feelings, thoughts, and actions.
They take responsibility for what they do, blaming no one else, and especially not projecting those things onto others.
Hurt & scarred people on the other hand often project things they don’t like about their beliefs, their actions, or themselves onto others.
Then, imagining that they’re ‘seeing’ these toxicities in others… they attack those people.
They hurt whoever they’re projecting on.
These wounded souls trick themselves into seeing unpleasant traits anywhere but as part of themselves.
Hurt people’s false accusations hurt others trying to help them.
“Since narcissists… must deny their own badness, they must perceive others as bad. They project their own evil onto the world. They never think of themselves as evil, on the other hand, they consequently see much evil in others.” – Scott Peck
These ‘projectors’ end up pushing the most helpful people out of their lives because they don’t love themselves enough to own their shit.
They choose to project, and people understandably, distance themselves.
Remember loving, whole, emotionally mature individuals own their feelings, thoughts, and actions.
They don’t project them onto others or sling around false accusations.
So if someone is mistreating you, realize they’re just scarred, traumatized, projectors.
They’re folks who’ve not learned to own their thoughts, feelings, and choices.
It took me years to own mine, and it’ll likely take them years to own theirs.
That doesn’t make me, or them, bad people.
It doesn’t mean they’re deliberately, consciously, intentionally trying to hurt you.
They’re often just confused, projecting, or repeating patterns from authority figures without realizing it.
You don’t have to take their abuse like a doormat…
…but getting triggered in return doesn’t help anything.
It just hurts your own mental health even further.
When someone mistreats you, practice having compassion for them while setting your own personal boundaries and speaking up or creating distance if necessary.
Love your self.
Fifty-Two
Nature knows what it’s doing.
It’s brought us a very long way.
We’ve come a long way since caveman times, civilization continually improving.
Our economy’s gotten ever-bigger.
Our civilization’s gotten ever-bigger.
We have more accomplishments than ever before.
And all this growth happened even with many people being ‘not nice.’
Nature knows what it’s doing.
If nature says a mean bully gets to exist, the mean bully gets to exist.
And who knows…
They might grow up to become an anti-bullying advocate.
If nature says your oppressive parents get to exist, your oppressive parents get to exist.
They might be the reason you become a successful parenting coach.
The point is, you don’t get to decide how others act or who they choose to be or how long they decide to be assholes.
The world needs all kinds of folks, even if you don’t get how each one fits into evolution.
This principle is similar to the “replace ‘shoulds’ principle.”
Drop beliefs on how people ‘should’ be, and instead, let them make mistakes and be “stupid AF” with grace.
Be compassionate with their journey.
Replace judgment with acceptance, and focus on how you’re going to respond to unpleasant people.
In any case, if you want to improve money anxieties, you must do better than moaning about people, trash-talking them, or acting like they don’t deserve to be on the planet.
You’ll be surprised at what this form of self care does for your mental health.
Love your self.
Fifty-Three
I edited (& did the illustrations) for Evan Carmichael’s book Built To Serve.
It’s premise is that we all have a ‘purpose’ of some kind calling us, and that our purpose involves serving others in some way (whether that means serving the 10-20 people closest to us, or whether it means serving millions.)
It’s true.
Even a hermit in the woods learns to serve plants, animals, insects, the land, or nature in some way if he wants to thrive.
And the cycle repeats.
The more you avoid serving others, the less valuable you’ll feel, and the more stuck and disempowered you’ll be.
Don’t believe me?
Read Evan’s book, or just give the principle a proper college try:
Commit to serving others with a whole heart, expecting nothing in return, and see the results for yourself.
Love your self.
Fifty-Four
Your ‘mirrors’ are the external people and situations you attract…
…that mirror your internal landscape.
For example:
Or you’ll attract these undesirable concepts in various situations, often even from people who don’t normally behave those ways.
Life is constantly giving you external mirrors.
Life’s trying it’s hardest to show you what your internal landscape is like, and hopefully…
…get you fired up enough to finally change it.
Love your self.
Fifty-Five
Isn’t selfishness bad?
Shouldn’t I avoid being selfish?
You may want to get an abortion, but Texas elites don’t want that, and try to make you feel ‘selfish’ for doing so.
You may want to make money doing hardcore scenes, but your boyfriend doesn’t want that, and makes you feel ‘selfish’ for even thinking about it.
Most of society, (even the nicest, seemingly most chill people)…
Don’t want you doing things that may actually be the best for you.
They usually don’t act that way on purpose, they’ve just been trained to be that way.
But still…
They’ll keep running over your dreams and desires until you ‘selfishly’ stand up for what your ‘self’ truly wants.
If you want to speak up, do so (as best as you’re able.)
If you want to change your schedule (do so, as best as you’re able.)
Fear no one calling you selfish.
It’s your life, and your self, and you know better than anyone what your ‘self’ truly wants.
The only thing is… make sure it’s healthy.
If you’re not in tune with your true self, your wants, needs, and desires, your selfishness may harm yourself and others.
Healthy selfishness is where you set a boundary with firmness but kindness, and understand if that means you have to separate from certain people in a non-judgmental way.
Unhealthy selfishness is where you insist others change while you selfishly get catered to by anyone and everyone you can.
Learn this if you want better mental health, because others can only know how to care about your self by your example.
Others can only care about your ‘self’ the way you care about your ‘self’ first.
Love your self.
Fifty-Six
This is like the self-expression tip above, but it’s a bit more specific.
Practice communicating tactfully.
Not because you always want to be so, but because it comes in handy often and save you tons of headaches.
Using tact helps avoid conflict, gets more of what you want, and saves your emotional health.
It also lowers defensiveness, triggers, and lowers your chance of deciding “I’m never expressing myself again, because people always respond poorly.”
People may respond poorly when you express feelings, but usually not because you’re expressing.
People respond poorly to others’ expression because you’re not tactful enough.
There’s a huge difference between:
“You never do anything around the house, and I work all day, and you’re a waste of human flesh!”
…and…
“Honey, is there something wrong? We agreed that you’d take out the trash and wash the dishes while I was working, and just now I noticed dishes in the sink and the garbage was full. I’m not blaming in any way, just wondered if you felt sick, or an emergency came up, or what?”
Like I mentioned above, you get out what you put in, even in self-expression and communication.
So put in the effort to express with tact.
Or keep expressing in less valuable ways or keep repressing your feelings altogether.
You know what choice serves you best.
Love your self.
Fifty-Seven
Remember, life is a game that you can play poorly, or well.
And ‘successful’ people may or may not seem to be playing well…
…but they’ve definitely got a handle on the prosperity part of life.
So give them a little credit. Be grateful they exist.
Life puts successful people into your experience not to make you jealous, or mess with you, or piss you off.
Life puts successful people into your experience to show you what’s possible.
Life wants you to say:
“Great! If they can do it, so can I.”
It’s the emotionally mature approach.
Even if you don’t approve of how they accomplished their success… that’s not the point.
In that case, life wants you to say:
“Hmm, well, good for them for finding success in a way that worked for them. I definitely wouldn’t do it that way myself, but I’m glad it’s possible.”
Even if you think they’re the worst people on earth, find a way to celebrate and appreciate their success.
“Hey, at least they’re providing tons of jobs, careers, and livelihoods to salt-of-the-earth folks. Maybe those people will grow up to start great charities or transform the world. Even if so-and-so is a criminal, they’re still providing a lot of value, even if their selfish ass does it completely by accident.”
This is self care, even if it doesn’t seem like it.
Why?
Because life is a game, and you need the other players.
Just like in basketball, you can’t play the game unless another team’s on the court.
Even if that team is a corrupt, big baddie, and you’re the underdog… the game still needs them.
That’s how you get some of the best games, with the best stories.
And when you’re watching those stories, you never want the bad team wiped off the face of the earth in an instant, game over.
Instead, you want the underdog team to rise up and succeed in spite of them.
So celebrate the other players in the game, even if they seem like they’re cheating.
Even if they have it too easy.
Celebrating the success of others, judgment-free, is the only mentally healthy path to prosperity, but you’re welcome to keep doing it the way you’ve been doing it. (You came here to fix your mental health, right?)
Love your self.
Fifty-Eight
People have trouble letting go of relationships.
But over-clinging will devastate your emotional health.
Relationships are meant to serve you.
Even the painful ones.
But most aren’t meant to be permanent, so learn to let go.
People have free will (even if you believe in ‘EIYPO‘), and if you try to fight, resist, or prevent their free will, karma will make others treat you similarly.
So practice letting people go.
And do it with a full heart.
It doesn’t mean they’re gone forever.
I have a lot of practice letting go, but most people are afraid to let go of anyone, and that fear creates anxiety.
In every case, setting boundaries, following my conscience, and creating distance from them was the right thing to do.
Letting go (with love) was the right thing to do.
And because I let go with a loving attitude (rather than malice), life brought them back to me when the time was right.
And sometimes people don’t come back at all.
And that’s ok too.
Society trains us to be clingy, attached, and desperate.
It teaches us that we should suffer toxicity and mistreatment “for the kids” or “for family” or “for love.”
That’s crazy.
It can also mean letting go of people who are out-pacing you in life.
If your partner wants to make the leap to polyamory (a big move for them), and you stubbornly want them to experience sex with only one forever…
…you might be the ‘toxic one’ holding them back.
In that case, the right thing to do is to let them go, even though they’re super-awesome.
You let them go because you know you’re not an open-minded, sexually free enough partner for them.
You accept that they deserve to achieve their dreams. They deserve someone who’s a match.
Learn to let go.
Let shit go.
Often.
Practice.
It’s the best self care around.
Love your self.
Fifty-Nine
Many people don’t understand the relationship between asking for help, and money anxieties.
Asking for help is what every entrepreneur or freelancer does.
They put a call out to their audience looking for video editors.
They ask interns and volunteers to help them grow.
They understand that asking a hundred people might get 99 “nos”, but it’s worth it if it gets even 1 “yes”, because it helps them build a business that helps the economy that will eventually provide jobs.
They know other people love to help.
And if you keep coming up with excuses to avoid asking others for help, then you’re robbing people of the chance to contribute.
And sure, it’s possible to ‘over-ask’ or ‘burn-out’ your connections, but a prosperous person doesn’t fear that.
Instead, they dive into asking, and find the line.
They discover how far is too far.
They actually ‘risk’ asking for help because they know their business is a valuable contribution to the world.
They know they can thrive, but only if they’re willing to ask their network to help.
If you have a piece of content you’d really like people to see, message fans personally and ask them to share it with friends.
If you need a new camera or phone, put the word out that you’re looking, and ask if anyone has one they’re not using sitting around.
Let abundance flow into your life by using whatever network you are blessed with, rather than finding reasons to avoid using them.
People.
Love.
Being.
Useful.
And you can’t know whether you’re abusing or not…
…until you get out there, ask, and find ‘the line.’
You find that line from experience, not from hiding your needs and desires from others.
Practice asking people for things, until you’re good at it.
It’ll bless your life with abundance, and strengthen your connections with others.
It’ll ease lackful thoughts & money anxieties the more you get the hang of it.
Promise.
Love your self.
Practice and master the above mental health basics.
I recommend starting with the tips that scare or upset you most, because that’s where your biggest growth lies.
Practice them regularly, not just on ‘self care day.‘
No, you can email Cyn if you want support.
They have some decent advice.
They teach things like ‘reframe your relationship to money’, ‘set aside time to look at your finances’, ‘what is my anxiety telling me?’
All of which are actually helpful, but barely scratch the surface on the mental healing necessary for most people.
Many psychotherapists love CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), which is proven and effective for some things. It’s a logical, reliable approach, but I’d say it’s far less effective than applying what I’ve taught here.
You don’t ‘have’ to.
But…
The answer is hopefully obvious to you.
The main sign of money-anxiety is that you struggle to execute the simple steps of making money.
Lack, lack, lack.
And huge indicators of money anxiety.
Money anxiety manifests itself in many symptoms, because money is integrated with so many parts of our lives.
I don’t know, since I’ve not come across anyone who effectively solves money anxieties in others efficiently, besides me.
Jacob Geller published an impressively researched video on ‘self-help apps’ you might like to check out.
Emma went through every tip here, and you know what happened?
She got rich.
She no longer whined. She no longer got distracted. She no longer let her emotions or ego run away with her.
She simply got to work, following the steps of making money.
Committing to self care felt like magic to Emma, and it will feel like magic to you too.
Your wealth can change drastically.
But only if you change drastically, first.
Note From The Author:
It was a few days ago, October 10th.
It would’ve been so cool, and more people may have seen it, which is really important.
Because how are we going to have a saner, emotionally healthy society, if stuff like this goes buried and unnoticed for decades?
The wisdom I’ve shared here is off-the-charts valuable and can help so many.
So I appreciate you being here now.
I appreciate you being open to my blunt delivery.
I appreciate you aiming to heal yourself.
You working on yourself makes a bigger difference than you might realize.
Because every candle that figures out how to light itself, can easily help light another.
“Everyone who figures out how to heal themselves, can easily help heal another.” – Me
So if you’ve managed to absorb anything from this page, you’re ahead of the game, and you’re an extremely valuable part of our world.
You’re on your way to true mental health, and I’m super grateful that you found this, and invested time into consuming it, when it would be so tempting to just say ‘wall of text’ and skip it.
And if you feel like helping your friends and family be happier & healthier around money and life…
Ask yourself:
“Would sharing this with them empower them to live better?”
Because the answer in almost every case… is yes.
Either way, trust your heart, and I appreciate every ounce of attention you’ve given this.
Much love,
-J
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Are you a generous person?
Do you want happier friends?
Then share the wealth!
