(Incels and feminists, prepare to be triggered.)
Want relief from confusion about the opposite sex? Learn these differences. Want your partner to do something particular? Cater to their differences. Want smoother interactions with men or women? Leverage these differences.
Disclaimer: Your grandparents had wisdom about these differences in their DNA, but society has f*cked you up on many of them.
I love women. I love men. I love everyone.
Human beings are miracles.
As a kid I was a judgy asshole, and I ended up homeless for years because of it.
It taught me that dropping judgment and encouraging others on their path is a wise, fulfilling approach to life.
So I’m cool with you whether you believe in two genders, a spectrum, or something else entirely.
And at the same time, I’ve got to make something clear.
For the time being, no matter how much certain ‘woke’ folk wish otherwise…
To me, this isn’t a very crazy or bizarre thing to acknowledge.
And contrary to the title of this post, life isn’t really a men vs. women situation, but there are differences between women and men.
One gender, men, is physically stronger, another gender, women, is more socially or emotionally attuned, for example.
(You can say ‘masculine-leaning beings’ vs. ‘feminine-leaning beings’, if that suits you better, but I’ll be using ‘women’ and ‘men’ as terms of convenience.)
And although they have much in common (like the desire to live a free, joyous life), their differences play a huge role in how they interact with each other, and whether or not they do so successfully or not.
It can feel like they’re even two different species at times.
Then we’re left scratching our heads when things don’t go as expected.
You can solve a lot of this in your own life by understanding, and embracing, the differences between women and men.
Some of these differences have been in our DNA, in our cellular structure, passed on through countless generations.
Others have been socialized into us, but for just as long, and often with primal-urge roots themselves, anyway.
Neanderthals understood this back in cave-person times. Your grandma (or hers before her) knew this. And deep down in your instincts, in your DNA, you know this too.
Because nature is f*cking smart.
Many species on earth evolved to have male and female members. (This is called sexual dimorphism.)
And of those, many have clear, intended differences.
And species with this are happy to go along with nature, embrace their differences, and fit beautifully into the role they were born into.
None of these species fight their nature.
They don’t protest it, rage against it, or engage in surgery to change it.
They might change where they walk or what they eat depending on climate, but when it comes to primal, natural urges and instincts…
…They act according to their nature free of shame, guilt, judgment, or a need to ‘change’ things.
This might sound like I’m against gender-reassignment, but…
Look, I get it.
We’re people, not animals.
Humans are clearly different than other species.
We have complex cultures, higher cognition.
Most importantly we have expansive hopes and dreams, and I’m not here to stop you for going for yours.
I encourage you to follow your heart towards whatever makes you happiest.
I just want to make it clear that cooperating with nature (as much as possible) tends to work out much better for all involved.
There are a substantial amount of differences between men and women that have been evolved biologically and developed culturally over thousands of years.
Nature knows what it’s doing.
Darwin thought our appendixes were useless, sure to be removed by evolution, but they’re still here with no sign of changing.
Evolution decided to shrink our appendixes, keep our wisdom teeth for now, and maintain glaring differences in the sexes.
Now, I’m not saying evolution is the only thing that determines human behavior. I’m not saying we can’t behave differently than it may pressure us to.
You can disagree with years of physical (& psychological) development that has brought us to this point, but…
…just know what you’re getting into.
Ask yourself…
“Are humans part of nature?”
“Does nature have an order? ‘Laws’ of some kind?”
“Are we, human beings, ever separate from nature’s order?”
Whatever you believe, I do know we have the free will to fight against nature, or to intentionally evolve.
But although you can go against it, it’s not quite as simple as “oh, I’ll be a woman today, and a man tomorrow.” (Or vice-versa.)
It’s you deciding to go against millennia of evolution.
In fact, if enough people do it, perhaps we’ll evolve into an ungendered or gendermorphic society.
Personally, I’m not interested in that path, for myself.
I believe that I was born in exactly the correct body, with exactly the correct traits and tendencies to fulfill my purpose, my life path.
I’m at peace with whatever advantages, disadvantages, or differences I have, for the most part.
To me it seems best to disconnect from the constant feed of opinions on my devices, get in tune with myself, and find out what differences I want to keep, and which I truly want to change… for me.
And for me, that means:
Leaving those evolution has selected for (over many years)… alone.
But you do you.
Maybe you’re here to show us an alternate path. More power to you.
And you absolutely can manifest whatever traits and changes you want, given a long enough timeline, because…
It doesn’t have to be ‘men vs. women’ in external society, and it doesn’t have to be ‘men vs. women’ internally either.
Whatever your gender, you absolutely can tap into any quality you want.
You can be nurturing if you want, or you can be cold and calculating.
You can focus on beautifying your appearance, or focus on creating wealth.
You can attempt to balance both ‘equally’ in your life, or you can lean towards certain traits more than others.
Just know that nature (or ‘life’) has never been about things being ‘the same’ or ‘equal.’
Sort of.
It depends on your definition and understanding of ‘equal.’
For example…
Technically, everyone is equal in that they’re free, sovreign beings.
You are free.
No one can control you like a robot or a puppet (unless you let them.)
And in that way you are ‘equal’ to everyone else.
We all have the freedom to choose as we like. Free will is untouchable, and always exists in you.
You are free to think and believe whatever you like, no matter how strongly society believes otherwise.
And in nature (or ‘life’), many things are literally designed to be different, unique, specialized, or ‘unequal.’
“The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.” – Socrates
Still…
You’re free to feel and express as you like, though there will be consequences and reactions from others who are also feeling & expressing in turn.
You’re free to do so, because we’re all equally free in our choices, beliefs, moods, and the time allotted to us each day that goes by.
We’re all equal in that we all started as tiny blobs of flesh and bone, and are blessed with 24 hours in each day to do with as we please.
We can use them to start bettering our lives and situations, bit by bit, or we can fritter them away, going through the motions, and ‘phoning it in.’
We can pursue the tasks we’ve chosen with a happy, positive, optimistic attitude, or we can pursue them with bitterness, cynicism, or pessimism.
In these ways we’re all equal.
But we’re also all different.
And one of the biggest differences, is whether we were born into a body with many times more testosterone, or many times more estrogen.
Our chromosomes and hormone levels are definitely not ‘equal’ to everyone else’s.
I suppose that’s possible.
But there’s 8 billion people on earth, and outside of a handful of vocal, ‘progressively liberal’ cities (who control a huge chunk of mass media, btw)…
…Most nations, tribes, and cultures are totally at peace with gender differences.
Most are happy to embrace the body they were born into, and the hormone levels nature dictates. Most aren’t interested in changing it. Most think it’s silly to even bother fighting evolution.
If we look at the global population, and our entire history, there’s really only a miniscule amount of people fighting against gender roles and norms.
So if they’re a tiny vocal minority, it’s worth asking yourself:
“how often have loud, vocal minorities literally flipped the course of evolution?”
That said…
All it takes is one person to create massive change.
I love seeing bold folks like Rosa Parks step up and show that change is possible, often with the smallest of gestures.
She was an inspiration to me and countless others.
And it’s great that trailblazers like Caitlyn Jenner or Elliot Page show new possibilities of how life can be lived.
They appear to be happy, successful gender transitions, and I’ll take them at their word.
So, you may be thinking…
Of course it is.
Life’s full of exceptions.
And I love our beautifully diverse, exception-creating world. It’d be boring and stale if everyone was the same.
Exceptions have always existed, and often they’re the people who trailblaze a path for future generations.
Perhaps the people I mentioned above are such exceptions. Perhaps you, or someone you know is.
I can’t say for sure.
And I can’t say that being an exception is an easy path, or life, nor is it likely the rest of the world will conform to their exceptional ways.
On top of that, evolution ‘tests out’ all kinds of mutations, experimenting to see which traits help the species and are worth keeping around overall.
(You can discover an eye-opening exception in two remote villages via the TedTalk below.)
“There are two isolated villages in which when some girls turn 12, they turn into boys…”
Evolution got rid of whale’s legs, (leaving the hipbones still in their skeletons), but evolution also left our gender differences, just as it has with many other species.
But hey, maybe it’s just a matter of time before we all become completely gender-fluid.
I could guess what will actually be the case, but it’d be like predicting the stock market.
For now though, making peace with differences between men and women can help you live a happy life.
And it’s something people have known for ages.
Yin and Yang is a philosophy that sees the universe as pairs of equal opposites that attract and complement each other.
“Yin and yang, male and female, strong and weak, rigid and tender, heaven and earth, light and darkness, thunder and lightning, cold and warmth, good and evil…the interplay of opposite principles constitutes the universe.” – Confucius
They’re in harmony, in not conflict.
Each half of it has a small dot to show that each side carries the seed (or “essence”), of the other.
The ‘s curve’ of the symbol shows the interconnected ‘ebbing and flowing’ of opposites.
Overall, this shows that to thrive well, these forces must coexist and form union.
It also suggests that we, too should unite harmoniously with those around us.
It encourages us to accept our own nature and to embrace the differences that makes us all who we are.
Is this philosophy right? That’s for you to decide.
Now, with all the gender politics and foundations out of the way, let’s get to the cheat-sheet.
You’re about to be exposed to some truths about society, nature, and life that people have been denying and fighting against for years.
You’re about to come face to face with the fact that many of your parents, teachers, peers, and the media have been (mostly unintentionally) lying to you.
Don’t panic.
Remain calm.
It doesn’t mean you have to disrupt your whole life or drastically change your beliefs or abandon your gender-identity.
Because truth and reality exist for you to deny, or rationalize away, or ignore for as long as you want, until you’re ready to face it.
So if anything here bothers you, resist the urge to be triggered.
Resist the urge to fight against it.
Nothing here has to upset you or ruin your day.
You can simply ignore anything that doesn’t resonate with you.
Fair?
Fair.
Let’s go.
Note: These are just common observations and rules of thumb to help you in interacting with others. Avoid getting carried away with them or reducing people to just these traits. Over-emphasis on these things can easily turn them into false dichotomies that harm more than help.
These are generalizations.
Note 2: I’ve lived and worked with trans folks, my partner identifies as queer, and her son is gay. Plus, I’m fairly sure a wide variety of gender identities and sexual orientations have existed since ancient Greek and Roman times. But despite my not checking the stats, I also believe cis hetero males and females have long been the majority, with little sign of that changing any time soon.
So, in general, masculine-leaning folks and feminine-leaning folks have differences.
In general.
We talk in generalities at certain times in life. This can be done in a mature, healthy way, or it can be done in a less healthy way. This page aims for the former, but if you’re not able to handle a discussion of generalizations without getting triggered, save yourself a lot of stress and avoid this cheat-sheet.
| Men | Women | |
|---|---|---|
| 1. | Logic-inclined* | Emotion-inclined |
| 2. | Power-inclined | Beauty-inclined |
| 3. | Testosterone | Estrogen |
| 4. | +Physically aggressive | +Verbally aggressive |
| 5. | Direct | Circuitous |
| 6. | Analytical | Anecdotal |
| 7. | XY Chromosmes | XX Chromosmes |
| 8. | Data-inclined | Story-inclined |
| 9. | Objective | Subjective |
| 10. | Stronger | Prettier |
| 11. | Driven | Restful |
| 12. | Deep Voice | High Voice |
| 13. | Hard / Brash | Soft / Gentle |
| 14. | Often attracted to feet | Often attracted to hands |
| 15. | Mind-inclined | Body-inclined |
| 16. | Intellectually inclined | Physically inclined |
| 17. | Freedom = priority* | Security = priority |
| 18. | Line-based (Point-A to Point B) | Cycle-based (Ovulation) |
| 19. | Tends towards over-confidence | Tends towards self-doubt |
| 20. | Polygamy-inclined | Monogamy-inclined |
| 21. | Direction-providing | Energy-giving |
| 22. | Empires | Families |
| 23. | Career-focused (market success) | Family-focused (relationship success) |
| 24. | Desires respect | Desires connection |
| 25. | Individualistic | Collectivistic |
| 26. | Comfortable with 'death' | Comfortable with 'birth' |
| 27. | Discipline | Nurture |
| 28. | Cooperation-desiring | Trust-desiring |
| 29. | "Word is bond*" | "Word for the moment" |
| 30. | Higher Metabolism & Blood-pressure | Lower Metabolism & Blood-pressure |
| 31. | More sexually rigid | More sexually fluid |
| 32. | Represses feelings | Vents feelings |
| 33. | Visually-inclined* | Scent-inclined |
| 34. | Action-oriented | Discussion-oriented |
| 35. | Left-brain leaning | Right-brain leaning |
| 36. | Strategic | Intuitive |
| 37. | Refined wit | Refined dance |
| 38. | Financially adept | Fashion adept |
| 39. | High suicide % | High rape % |
| 40. | Over-punished | Over-spoiled* |
| 41. | Ideas-inclined | Creature-inclined |
| 42. | Philosophers, comics, inventors, coders | Nurses, counselors, vets, childcare, secretaries |
| 43. | <3 lady in streets, freak in sheets | <3 alpha male, who'll never bail |
| 44. | Socialized towards masculine ("hey big guy") | Socialized towards feminine ("my lil princess") |
| 45. | Values beauty, purity, submissiveness | Values provision, protection, dominance |
| 46. | Self-esteem through achievement | Self-esteem through relationship |
| 47. | Asking for help* = weak | Asking for help = love |
| 48. | Minimal friends, alone-leaning | Maximum friends, social-leaning |
| 49. | Enjoy the mechanics of things | Enjoy co-ordinating people |
| 50. | Maximizes finances | Minimizes finances |
| 51. | Dogmatic | Mercurial |
| 52. | Solution-focused | Empathy-focused |
| 53. | Fix > Empathize | Manipulate > Appreciate |
| 54. | Building tendencies | Nesting tendencies |
| 55. | Wants admiration, respect, cooperation, encouragement | Wants validation, reassurance, understanding |
| 56. | Authority-kinks ("yes, Sir") | Praise-kinks ("good girl") |
| 57. | Speech: Less expressive, monotonous pitch | Speech: More sing-songy, varied pitch |
| 58. | Pecs, minimized areolas and nipples | Breasts, prominent areolas and nipples |
| 59. | Urge to 'spread seed' | Urge to have children |
| 60. | Big Adam's apple | Small Adam's apple |
| 61. | Angular face | Rounder face |
| 62. | More body-hair | Less body-hair |
| 63. | External genitalia | Internal genitalia |
| 64. | Darker complexion = preferred* | Lighter complexion = preferred |
| 65. | Defined muscular physique | Defined curvy physique |
| 66. | Experiences baldness | Experiences menopause |
| 67. | Male comedians earn more than females | Female models earn more than males |
| 68. | Likely to turn to drugs | Likely to experience eating disorders |
| 69. | High homeless % | High self-harm % |
| 70. | Natural protectors | Natural nurturers |
| 71. | Casual with sexual partners* | Selective with sexual partners |
| 72. | Selective with domestic partners | Casual with domestic partners |
| 73. | Live by a code | Live for the moment |
| 74. | Larger amygdala, fight-ready | Larger hippocampus, longer-term memory |
| 75. | Nudes preferred | Jokes preferred |
| 76. | Higher caloric needs | Lower caloric needs |
| 77. | Low self-esteem | High self-criticism |
| 78. | Prefer youthful mates | Prefer mature mates |
| 79. | Risk-prone | Risk-averse |
| 80. | Reckless | Fearful |
| 81. | External, directional, & spatial Awareness | Internal, emotional & social awareness |
| 82. | More indifferent | More self-conscious |
| 83. | Future-focused | Past-focused |
| 84. | Experimental | Traditional |
| 85. | Tends toward secrecy | Tends toward gossip |
| 86. | Possessive* | Permissive |
| 87. | Leadership-focused | Support-focused |
| 88. | Binary-thinking | Spectrum-based-thinking |
| 89. | Big-picture oriented | Details-oriented |
| 90. | Variety-seeking | Committment-seeking |
| 91. | Prioritize efficiency | Prioritize 'drama' |
| 92. | Business arena | Dating arena |
| 93. | Prefer abilities to be recognized | Prefer feelings to be recognized |
| 94. | Lone-wolf tendencies | Collaborative tendencies |
| 95. | Decisive-leaning | Indecisive-leaning |
| 96. | Concise | Verbose |
| 97. | Task-focused | Environment-focused |
| 98. | Think first, talk after | Talk first, think after |
| 99. | Minimalist | Maximalist |
| 100. | Scale | Nuance |
| 101. | Withdraw during trauma | Express during trauma |
| Bonus: | Stoic | Moody |
There’s more, such as women tend to ‘pick up on hints’ vastly easier, while guys tend to have a simple time being assertive in their speech.
So I’ll explain ten of them in further detail, and hopefully that’ll be enough for you to understand the others too.
Here goes.
This one tends to trigger people.
Everyone has feelings (emotions) and reasoning (logic). Everyone can tap into either of these things.
We can run through a situation in an unattached way, logically examining it, in our minds.
We can also respond emotionally, barely thinking at all.
We can even do a mix of both.
Neither is good or bad, and each one affects the other. (A negative thought brings an accompanying emotion. A negative mood, inspires negative thoughts.)
But each gender tends to rely on one approach drastically more than the other.
Observe people in your own life, yourself included, and you’ll likely notice that most women ‘come from emotion’ first when dealing with issues, and that most men ‘come from reason’ first.
Knowing which approach is best suited to yourself, moment-to-moment, is extremely empowering.
Ultimately, these are the same thing.
Any person, regardless of gender, are unlikely to feel ‘secure in themselves’ when their freedom is limited. Similarly, they also won’t feel ‘free to be themselves’ when there’s not enough security or safety present.
But freedom and security, to most, appear to be opposites, and that difference in perception shows up in both genders approach to life.
The majority of men approach life with a hunger for freedom.
Freedom from social obligations. Freedom from time-, space-, or resource-limitations. Freedom to create whatever vision or masterpiece they want.
Of course, we can’t really reach for the stars unless we have secure, stable ground to stand on.
Either way, if a man doesn’t feel his freedom is being supported & encouraged, he’ll usually experience a drop in his self-confidence and security in himself.
The majority of women approach life with a hunger for security.
They want security in their relationship, to express themselves without backlash, from a committed partner. They want a secure nest, secure pantry, secure everything.
Of course, we can only feel truly safe when we use free will to be ourselves… freely.
Either way, if a woman doesn’t feel her security-needs are being addressed, she’ll often close up, infringe on the freedoms of others, and stop expressing freely herself.
Words can be used in many ways. Two of the main ones are:
A. To communicate data, facts, and truths. People doing this will often think first, choose their words carefully, and articulate rather well.
This method “aims for correctness, objectivity, or ‘truth’ in speech.”
I call language method A the ‘word is bond’ method, and it’s a mode of speech commonly used by masculine folks.
They want to know ‘how many yards’ the ball went. Or does their partner want to see a movie, yes or no. Or how much do we have left in the account, exactly.
A second mode of speech is…
B. To create rapport, spark feelings, and spin narratives. People doing this will often talk first, blurt out whatever’s in their heart, true or not, and articulate intensely but imprecisely.
This method “Aims for pathos, sincerity, and empathy in speech.”
I call language method B the ‘word of the moment’ method, and it’s a mode of speech commonly used by feminine folks.
They want to discuss how families felt at the football game. They don’t to answer ‘yes or no’ to a movie-request, they want to dig deeper into the feelings of the relationship, or tell you how busy their day was. They don’t care about the number in the account, they want to make you feel their fear, insecurity, and destitution.
This can create confusion.
If a man says “I’ll protect you forever,” his word is often his bond, and with that one sentence, he’s making a life-long commitment that he may even die fulfilling.
If someone questions why he is staying with an abusive or toxic partner, he may reply ‘I gave my word. I told her forever. We’ll have to find some way through this.’
If a woman says “I’ll love you forever,” her word may mean:
‘in this moment, I’m feeling very affectionate towards you, and I’m using ‘forever’ in a poetic sense, just to get that intense feeling across. I may cheat on you down the road, and me using the word ‘forever’ here isn’t a lifelong bond, contract, or commitment, and it’d be silly of anyone to think otherwise.
(Of course, any person can use language in any way they choose, at any time… these are just generalizations.)
Whenever I bring this up, there’s always someone who wants to argue.
But think about…
When girls read erotica, the love interest’s ‘musky, manly scent’ is described over and over in poetic terms.
When guys get turned on watching porn, scent is the last thing they care about– they want smooth skin, pretty decoration, tits and ass.
As usual, these are generalizations, and there are exceptions, but just like porn-directors know what matters to their male viewers, erotica authors know what most women want, and they deliver it.
If this weren’t true, and held up reliably over centuries, such materials would be much different today.
I’m not sure if this difference is historically accurate, or just applies to our current westernized society…
…but men tend to be held extremely accountable. Over-accountable one might say. It’s common for them to be held to blame for relationships ending, kids being raised poorly, not making ends meet, any abuse that occurs anywhere etc.
Women tend to be treated oppositely. They tend to be over-spoiled. It’s common for them to be bailed out of choosing the wrong man, get off with a slap on the wrist for things men get jailed for, to be showered with gifts, drinks, cars, houses, etc. just for ‘being born with curves.’
Neither of these things are too great or helpful for society. Neither of these things are well-adjusted ways to treat others.
But they’re common. They exist. And it may help you to be aware of them.
Women will ask someone to ‘help them in the kitchen’ when they’re fully capable of doing it themselves.
They’ll ask someone to ‘come to the bathroom with them’, despite it being completely unnecessary.
They’ll ask someone to ‘open this jar for me’, knowing full well if that person wasn’t around they’d find a way themselves.
For most women, ‘asking for help’ isn’t a sign of weakness or incapability, it’s a tool for creating bonds.
They won’t ask someone for help who they’re uninterested in connecting with.
Men though, will almost never ask for help, not even directions when lost, unless it’s absolutely necessary. And at that point, they don’t even care if they ‘connect’ with the helper, they just care that things get done, progress is made, and their goals move forward.
I’m not saying either way is better or worse, but it’s a difference worth paying attention to.
Oooooh boy.
This could trigger some people, but I’ll do my best to handle it with care in the space I have here.
Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with race. Please avoid projecting, assuming, or jumping to any conclusions here.
Also, please remember, I didn’t make this stuff up, studies into fair-skin vs. swarthy-skin have been done.
And I know it may not apply to you or your friend-group…
…but there’s a reason “tall, dark, and handsome” or “fair-skinned maiden” is still desired, centuries after their inception.
I repeat, the most important thing to remember here, is that this concept isn’t about race.
Shade-preferences can be seen within in any particular race, across a variety of cultures.
Skin-lightening bleaching creams play a role in many African women’s lives, not necessarily because they “want to be white”, but more likely because they, and/or their potential mates, associate a lighter skin tone with increased attractiveness.
Whether this is ‘fine and likely due to biology’ or ‘deplorable and with roots in slavery’, a blend, or something else… is up to you, but it’s something to be aware of.
“Women, on average, do have lighter skin than men. This is measurable, and, evidently, universal—it appears among people in all geographic regions.“
This may be because women get pregnant.
Pregnant or lactating women have far higher vitamin D requirements. With less melanin in their skin, they’re able to synthesize more vitamin D, faster.
Whatever the case, this difference seems to have led, whether biologically or socially, to…
A lighter skin-tone compared to one’s peers being seen as one small sign of increased femininity.
A darker skin-tone compared to one’s peers being seen as one small sign of increased masculinity.
“Scientists looking into attractiveness in men and woman suggest that men from all races find fairer-skinned woman most alluring, while women are the polar opposite and favour darker, brooding men.”
We can argue that this is due to class structures historically conditioning us. We can say that since the working classes got tanned outdoors, people began to associate things with certain complexions. We can say that it’s genetic or biological. We can say it’s advertising and the media’s beauty-agenda causing it.
I’m sure debates will go on for years.
But all that aside, you may be well-served to understand that this difference in preferences between genders is more common than you might think.
“Men are subconsciously attracted to fairer-skinned icons such as Nicole Kidman or Kylie Minogue because of the skin tone’s association with innocence, purity, modesty, virginity, vulnerability and goodness.”
“Women, on the other hand, pick men with darker complexions – such as film stars Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell or Jamie Foxx – because these are associated with sex, virility, mystery, villainy and danger.”
The above quotes are taken from this article on University Of Toronto’s complexion-attractiveness study by Dr. Shyon Baumann.
Personally, I encourage everyone to love the skin they’re in, and to manifest people around them who love and support them for who they are.
But that doesn’t make this tendency to gravitate towards certain complexions go away.
You can decide if you want to be upset about it, or at peace with it. You can decide if you want to work with it or against it.
Skin-color, after all, it’s just one single aspect of all the valuable people on earth.
My Mom is a multi-generation Canadian, and my Dad was born in Bangalore, India, so my mixed heritage may fall right into this ‘stereotype’ or trend, but love is love, so who knows.
Ultimately, there are plenty of exceptions, so there’s no need to get anxious about your skin color.
For example, in Asia, pale complexions are a sign of status and desirability, for both genders. In America, tanned physiques have had a surge in desirability, for both genders.
Would you say the drive to reproduce, in most humans, has been strong historically?
Would you say that nature has made sure that all our theorizing, therapizing, and law-making is never really enough to stop the reproduction and evolution of our species?
And would you say one of nature’s main ways to ensure we can’t fuck up reproduction for the human race is by hard-wiring our biology towards certain things?
“Biologically, women have a limited number of reproductive years and can normally have one child at a time.”
This strong, clear, undeniable biological difference is no small thing.
It has an impact.
It causes the most successful women to be those who are choosy, picky, and selective about who they mate with. Why? Because choosing wrong means 9 months of gestation and 18+ years of child-rearing for substandard genes if they chose a substandard mate.
“On the other hand, men can father many children at the same time, and aging does not influence their reproduction capabilities that much.”
This means that once a man is chosen or selected by a woman, she won’t have to do much work at all to sleep with him.
It makes men co-operative and amenable to fucking her, and prior to the advent of birth control, conceiving a child. It makes a man casual about his sexual partners, because as long as he can grow his wealth and resources, he can provide for many children.
“A meta-analysis of many studies showed that men are much more likely to sleep with a stranger casually. No research, in any country, has ever shown that women are more casual about sex than men.”
There’s also social factors and conditionings that encourage the same, but I won’t get into them here.
Anyway, this point doesn’t seem all that shocking, as men throughout history are the ones commonly found with concubines, harems, mistresses, etc., since caveman times up til now, across many cultures.
Women may have become more casual with sex lately, especially with easy access to birth control, but will nature go along with this? Or will this trend last for a few decades and then snapback to women prioritizing patient, choosy mate-selection, with men casually spreading their seed?
Food for thought.
(Quotes taken from Why is Casual Sex More Common in Men than Women?)
How many women do you know who have a hyper-critical voice in the head?
How many men do you know who feel isolated, disconnected, worthless, unloved?
How many women do you know who turn their critical voice outward, judging others harshly for the tiniest fashion faux pas?
How many men do you know who turn their low self-esteem outward, disconnecting from family, society, even their careers?
How many women do you know who have self-esteem coming out of their ass, labeling themselves 8’s or 10’s, when they clearly are not?
How many men do you know who are blowhards, blind to criticism, regardless of the source?
Answering these questions should point out to you that men tend towards low self-esteem, while women tend towards high self-criticism.
It’s a difference worth noting.
It’s not hard to find examples of women sharing. They’ll share clothes, space, even men.
It’s also not hard to find examples of men wanting to ‘own’ things. They want their ‘own space’, their ‘own business’, their ‘own woman.’
As usual, of course men do share, and of course women do own things, but in general, the point stands.
Hopefully this one’s pretty straight-forward and easy to observe in your own experience.
Anyway, that wraps up my coverage of gender differences for now.
I’m sharing them mainly as a quick-reference to help you navigate life more effectively.
But if you still disagree with some, that’s fine, don’t use them.
It’s fine to debate, disagree, and offer counterpoints.
Scientists, therapists, thought-leaders, and intellectuals from many walks of life experiment with all this stuff.
They analyze ‘brain regions in men and women’, they examine ‘different male and female MRIs’, and run survey after survey.
Searching the subject often brings up experiments on the differences between men’s brains and women’s brains.
And what are their results?
Little that’s conclusive or practical. (This study called ‘Rationality Is Gendered’ may be worth a look though. Or this Sex Differences In Personality one.)
They constantly debate and argue over if most perceived differences between women and men even exist.
And if they ever do agree a difference exists, then they question in what proportion, and whether they’re rooted in nature, nurture, society, or something else.
It’s a ton of energy, effort, studies, and experiments, and I applaud their attempts. Scientists rock.
But science moves slowly, often not discovering things until generations after we’re dead.
So for timely, practical purposes, I suggest you do your own experiments, by seeing if you can leverage these differences and get good results from ‘owning’ them.
Perhaps try talking to a guy more logically and see if it gets good results for you. Or perhaps try admitting that you enjoy gossip, then choose careers where the gift of gab helps.
Drop all the theory, never-ending scientific debate, and rhetoric about men and women, and just try what makes sense to you.
You may be quite surprised that much of the list holds up for you.
Whether you believe JP has his facts straight or not, he raises interesting food for thought.
You tell me.
Since you were little, you’ve been learning about ‘the nature of things.’
Noticing natural biological or social patterns and acting accordingly is something you’ve down consistently since you were young.
This helped you navigate life effectively.
So the question is…
Is noticing clear patterns and differences, (especially ones refined and developed over thousands of years) and using them to live better… ‘pigeonholing?’
Basically, is it ‘pigeonholing’ to observe, admit, and leverage differences or traits that you find to be common, and navigate life accordingly?
Or can we all just admit that –despite exceptions– by and large, men and women are different, and it’s not only fine, but recommended, to navigate life accordingly?
I believe that if you want a fulfilling life, it’s best to…
Fighting against things rarely, if ever, works out.
Accepting gender differences tends to work out much more fulfillingly.
Give it a shot.
“It’s not a twist-off…”
Matt Walsh even took the time and effort to make an entire movie about the subject.
SJWs, the Red Pill community, and even Disney all have strong views on what men and women ‘should’ be.
Catholics, Muslims, and the government do as well, and make rules to make others agree with them.
Personally, I don’t know which are more correct about things, if any.
But I don’t really care.
Because what matters to me is that you, as an individual, think critically about people’s differences.
What matters to me is that you find something that works for you, rather than accept any agenda by default or unexamined.
That includes what I’ve written here.
So as I said at the start…
If you disagree with any of these, that’s fine, you do you.
If you’re an exception to the generalities I’ve outlined here, great, more power to you.
I just know that understanding these differences has helped me have smoother, easier, more effective interactions with others, and I wish someone had taught me them sooner, so I’ve done my best to share them with you.
Parents, teachers, and the media taught me so much bullshit that didn’t actually help me navigate interactions with others.
What helped me was understanding that others have different biology, different instincts, different modes of communication, different social conditionings, and more.
What helped me was seeing the differences of others, and working with them, rather than against them.
I believe we could all live more fulfilling, harmonious lives with one another if only we were better at understanding and embracing, or at least calmly allowing, each other’s differences, instead of fighting them or trying to change them.
Different is good.
Variety is the spice of life.
And understanding this on a deep level may have saved me from being a judgy prick for over a decade when I was younger, so I hope it helps you somehow too.
In summary…
I’m not saying to use them constantly.
I’m not saying to make assumptions about others if you can help it.
I’m just saying add them to your repertoire of knowledge.
Be aware when they may be at play.
They may help you get what you want, while making other parties happy.
If I know my girlfriend wants to ‘talk out her thoughts’, I do my best to let her.
If I realize she’s done talking them out and is inviting solutions, that’s the moment I offer my advice.
If I know I have polygamous inclinations, I don’t suppress them for two years, then suddenly reveal them causing an unnecessary breakup.
Working with your own tendencies (and the traits of others), rather than against them, can be a massive win-win.
The amount of people who’ve ‘made peace’ with their inclinations, and suddenly felt their world open up as they ‘be themselves’ more, is huge.
50 Shades Of Grey was the world’s best selling entertainment globally because it tapped into tendencies and traits many people wanted to embody, but had been repressing.
It spoke to repressed submissives and dominants, it even spoke to people inbetween in it’s own way.
Even my own clients often feel sublime freedom and fulfillment when they embrace their personal desire to be a hyperfeminine ‘bimbo.’
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Are you a generous person?
Do you want happier friends?
Then share the wealth!
