This week Jay and I talked about decisions.
Specifically, how to make them better, and easier.
I seriously needed that this week, because I’ve not been great about making decisions. I’m a Libra and for most of my life I’ve had issues making decisions…so much so that I just didn’t make them.
Or so I thought.
Did you ever think that if you just didn’t make a decision then you would be ok and wouldn’t have to actually decide?
I did too.
For years. But we’re both wrong cuz guess what? NOT making a decision IS making a decision. And sometimes the price we pay for not making it is worse than actually taking the time to make a proper decision.
It can feel scary at times to make a decision especially when it can affect other people. We can become overwhelmed by the thought of our choice hurting someone else.
But in the end, you’re really only hurting yourself.
Meeting Jay was a game-changer when it came to my making decisions.
Why would meeting him matter? Well, Jay makes decisions easily and never regrets or questions them once he does. I had never met anyone who made decisions like that and I had to know how.
One of the key takeaways from our newest podcast episode for me (and really most things with Jay) is there is no such thing as ‘big’ or ‘important’ decisions.
Once we make something ‘big’ or ‘important’ then we’re sunk.
What does this mean?
Well, our tiny monkey brains say “this thing matters” and we find a way to make it even bigger. We start to become anxious, nervous, fearful, worried, and worse…we just sit down and refuse to make the decision.
How can we stop that from happening? For one it takes practice (yes I know that’s Jay’s go-to advice but there’s a reason so stay with me…) if you’re used to seeing everything as ‘world shattering’ then every decision from “where you’re going to eat for dinner”, to “what you’re going to wear for the day”, to “what time you should go to bed”, will feel like the world will end if you make the ‘wrong’ decision.
None of that stuff matters as much as your brain wants to convince you it does.
Even if you’re deciding on moving to another country, getting clean and sober, or who to marry…they’re all just decisions.
Your past habits make you think they’re life-ending but they’re not. You need to learn to trust your gut. Follow your feelings.
When you ask yourself a question about what to do, your body will give you an instant answer.
But most of us have learned to question that answer and shut down that voice. So then the fear sets in, your ‘mind’ takes over, and you just overthink it until you’re confused, anxious, and stressed.
If you’d just listened to that first answer your body gave you and ignored the rest of the overthinking and worry…you’d have what you truly want.
Your body isn’t trying to fool you, it’s trying to help you and answer your question!
Please remember that there are only two emotions…love and fear.
ALL negative emotions are a form of fear, and fear will kill your dreams. Fear will ruin your life. So ask yourself…do you want to live in fear, or love?
If you want to live in fear, well go on then, you’ll be back here or somewhere like it eventually. Personally, I want to surround myself with people who want to live in LOVE.
Because love is always the answer.
Your body loves you and wants you to choose love.
It wants you to make decisions based on love. And your body tells you that the moment you ask the question of yourself.
Jay taught me (and you in episode 20) that all decisions are simple.
When we were children we knew life was simple.
We made decisions quickly and easily. We never overthought, never worried, and never thought the decision would bring the world to a halt if we “chose wrong.”
But somewhere along the way we allowed the adults in our lives to push their overthinking, worry, and fears onto us. And they became our own.
It’s ok. It happened to me and Jay too.
But we learned to let it go and you can too.
You just have to remember how it was to make those decisions with your body the way you did as a child.
So now you know and all you need to do is practice.
Practice right now, by reading the rest of this post. Practice it with deciding what to wear. Practice it by deciding what to make for dinner.
Practice making decisions with your body so that you can let go of the stress, fear, and worry that making decisions has brought to you. Because those feelings will not benefit you and will attract MORE of those feelings.
Jay and I want you to live regret-free!
Regretting your life choices isn’t helpful.
But if you DO regret a choice it’s ok. Just admit that you made a mistake, admit you were wrong, and then FIX IT.
Just like in Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step to change is to ADMIT you have a problem.
Or in this case, admit that you made a mistake and chose wrong. It’s ok. The world won’t end because you admit this, or admit that you made a wrong choice. We all do it at some point.
But now that you’ve admitted it, fix it.
Jay and I broke up, and I regretted it instantly. So I moved to Toronto to fix it, even though his response was ‘lukewarm.’
He didn’t take me back right away. He also didn’t treat me shitty for my decision.
Regardless, I had to take steps to fix it and myself. Making shitty choices led me to make that ultimate shitty choice, breaking up with him.
And I made the same “bad decision” again a few years later.
And I had to repeat the process, admit my mistake, and begin fixing it as best as possible.
Once you admit the mistake you made and start taking steps to fix it, you know what happens? That regret you feel goes away. It happened to me the minute I admitted my mistake and decided to move here.
There is absolutely no reason to walk around with regrets.
YOU control your life. You can fix any feeling or thoughts you have. And decisions are no different.
Mind decisions are weak, body decisions are powerful.
Most people want to overthink everything and they think that “thinking” will get them to the right decision but that’s not true.
Using your mind is weak because you’ll continue to make up stories that won’t happen (worry) the more you think.
You’ll run your mind around on a hamster wheel going nowhere.
You’ll just end up more confused, more upset, and more worried.
And that will just get you more of what you don’t want.
But going with your initial gut feeling is powerful. This is how to feel good about your decisions. Because you will know that your BODY guided your choice. You will FEEL amazing because you decided it without scaring yourself and telling yourself silly stories.
Just by listening to your gut feelings, you will feel secure and sure.
If you don’t then you just need to practice it more (we will just keep telling you to practice so don’t be surprised, lol).
Ok, so what about “backup plans?”
Jay says that it depends on you, and each situation.
In each case, what does having a backup plan feel like for you?
Do you have one because you’re afraid that the decision you made might be wrong? Or do you have a backup plan because it’s another abundant option but wasn’t made out of stress, worry, or fear?
A backup plan is a tool. And only you know whether it will help you or harm you. We can’t tell you but you already know (without really thinking about it) if each backup plan was made out of fear or love.
Jay has even more amazing things to say about decisions and can teach you how to make them easier with clarity, focus, and love.
Why should you listen to him?
Well, he intentionally chose homelessness no matter what anyone said. No matter that he was intelligent and competent. No matter that he had many job offers. No matter that shelters were available.
He has a long history of making badass decisions, regret-free.
He’s actually chosen homelessness multiple times, whenever he felt an environment was more toxic than it was uplifting.
Think about that.
Millions of people are homeless worldwide. How many of them are unable to not only pull themselves out of homelessness but become successful afterwards?
Jay did it. How? Why?
Well, he just kept practicing decision-making. And he studied and refined how to make decisions. He learned to listen to his gut feelings and it led him to a park. He decided to stop chasing productivity, stop obsessing over money, and after a failed suicide attempt, then just decided to lie down on a park bench and starve.
After 36 hours on the bench in (literally) blistering Toronto heat, he decided to find air-conditioning, so he went to the library. And that decision led him to meet Evan Carmichael, which led him to collaborate with Evan for years. That decision led him to make money and leave homelessness behind.
A bizarre chain of decisions, but powerful, body-made ones.
Jay KNOWS all about making decisions.
You could learn from some ‘guru’ who talks like they know about making decisions or you can learn from a man who has made actual life-and-death decisions to change his entire fate.
Someone who also happened to teach me to make decisions that saved my life by helping me get clean and sober.
It’s your choice.
If you decide to learn more about making decisions then watch episode 20 – Effective DECISION Making Is SIMPLER Than You Think – here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADvr3-cjG3c&t=1078s
We know you can make better decisions because we have.
And if we can do it, so can you.
We believe in you.
Much love,
Cyn (& Jay).
